Some days are extra hard!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
I sometimes feel that the harder I try to make positive changes in my life, the more challenges I am faced with. I started out on my journey this year with renewed optimism. I have had two difficult years recovering from a MVA and was sick all through the Holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas). When New Years came around I thought things would change with the new year. Well think again! Family drama, more illness, stress and I went off on another junk food 'vacation'. Just started back to the gym in February and was doing great again. Hubby got sick with the flu bug, I turned my ankle injuring a tendon or some such thing so was told to stay away from the gym for 2 weeks. Ok tolerated that cause I was taking care of hubby. Ankle healed nicely and I started back to the gym last tuesday and had a terrible time because I felt no energy. Got up sick wednesday morning and everything went down hill from there. Now I'm being treated for bronchitis, sinus infection and fever. Today had to be put on steroids for my breathing (I was wheezing so much and coughing so much could not breathe). OK got that into my system and was just starting to feel like I would get better. So now what was my thought this morning.
Well I got an answer and the rug pulled out from under me. I received a message telling me my beloved Aunt Elvie had passed away. My heart was stabbed with a pain that cut to my soul. It is not like we didn't expect this but are we ever ready to lose someone so dear to us? She has been ill and 'at death's door' many times over the last several months. But we always have hope because this beautiful woman told us to always have hope and to trust in the Lord.
This beautiful lady helped raise me and 4 siblings - plus a multitude of other lucky kids. She never had children of her own but was the best representation of motherhood I have ever known. Her warm loving face always shone when she was holding a baby at her bosom. She was the original rocker - not a punk rocker - the kind of rocker that kissed boo-boos, crooned lull-a-byes to fretting babes and soothed broken hearts with her kind words, gentle hugs and words of praise. She always had a stash of her world famous molasses cookies on hand to sweeten the talk. Oh how we loved her cookies! My brother says he could see her slathering peanut butter on her cookies, for him and his twin brother, as they ran across the little path between our houses to visit her. Now there was one of her favorite and most treasured gifts. To help raise and love two little twin boys. I can remember seeing her sitting in her rocker with a twin on each arm rocking away and humming to them. God surely knows who to send his best angels to because he sent her to us. My dad was a hard worker and my mother was overwhelmed with 5 babies to care for. Auntie was there for them any time they needed her and we just loved having her 'help' them out because it meant being wrapped in loving arms and snuggled against a soft bosom that always smelled of Tabu,(her favorite perfume) and Coty's face powder. Just writing of these memories I can smell her sweetness.
I/we have so many wonderful memories of her. Picking field strawberries in the heat of the summer (I was not always a willing picker - I hated the heat but loved being with her and helping make the delicious jam that the berries made possible), climbing over rock piles to pick fat, juicy raspberries (sometimes running into a snake or two), helping wash and jar cucumbers to make pickles for the winter, riding through country roads in Maine in the fall 'leaf-peeping", saving the biggest and brightest leaves to press between sheets of wax paper to be tenderly laid in a treasure book, riding on the old Ford Tractor in the fall, harvesting potatoes and baking the most delicious goodies you can imagine; these are just a few. I know I will always hold them tightly in my heart but it will take a while to ease this pain in my heart because I miss her more than words can say and her passing has left a hole there that will need to be tended. She was a blessing to this world for 96 years, 96 love-filled, hard-worked unforgettable years. God grant her peace and happiness in her new home. We were not ready to let her go but she deserves to be with you.
All my woes now seem insignificant because I have life and there is much more living to do. So after I bid her farewell, one last time, I will return to my unfinished business and I will give my life my full attention in honor of the woman who taught me to love and honor this life. I will live it humbly, respectfully, in awe and admiration of the one she lived her life for, our Lord.