Saturday, March 12, 2011
It was a weird week.
Facing an old and horrible fear was traumatic and I went through a lot of emotions. I am on the other side of it now and I feel reborn.
Well placed, appropriate rage has replaced the uneasy insecurities I have felt for almost two decades. I think I can put it in a box up on a shelf now. I'll label it "ferocious anger" and whenever I feel the scared, vulnerable terrors in my past come back, I'll look in that box and remember to put those feelings in their proper spot.
Maybe this was all holding me back. I had despair spilling out all over the place when, in fact, I should have been angry. Despair is useless. Anger is empowering.
I don't think I'll be turning all these feelings into attacks on myself anymore. That's over.
But now I wonder. I have a life built to fit the person I have been for all these years. This will turn my entire world upside-down. Is this what I want?