So yesterday DH & I had a bit of an argument. It was mostly because of a stress filled weekend combined with not enough "us" time and too much time being locked up with the kids....you know, typical end of Winter stuff! But, in the course of the venting, John made the statement "...and you went off and started exercising." I was a little surprised by the statement but went on to the next thing.

But you know those things that stick with you..... yeah, this was one of them. Was he upset with my new found "hobby" of exercising? Was he jealous that I had been able to get on this program? Or was it just something to say? (Yep, I started analyzing). Another of my new "things" is not to spend time guessing, but instead come out and ask. Most times, things said in the heat of an argument are usually just to be hurtful or uncovering an underlying issue. So I asked. I asked 4 times! The first 3 he said "I don't know why I said that, you just weren't doing what I expected you to be doing." The 4th time he grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me in the eyes and said "I am very proud of you for exercising. You are doing a great job and I hope some of that motivation eventually rubs off on me." Nuff said.

Now to move on to today. Another friend just getting on the "Healthy Lifestyle" trip posted a note about some bad eating choices. I got to thinking.....why don't I worry more about food? If I want to do this right, I should worry about my food more. But wait, what's "doing it right" REALLY mean?? What's my goal?? Do I want to be a size 0 (yeah, RIGHT!)? Do I want to be able to lift 50 pound boxes over my head (for why??)? Why??? Why am I doing this? I realized that I am doing it because I WANT to. I want to move, I want to do more than just sit around playing on the computer. For me, weight is always going to be an issue because of my medicines. Lets face it, my body is working against me. But I'm okay with that these days. I LIKE doing strength exercises. I LIKE doing cardio. I LIKE being in motion. Hey, if I loose a pant size between here & there, great! If I loose some pounds, SCORE! But I'm not going to let it rule me. I don't want to have to turn away from the birthday cake at my kids or friends parties. I don't want to order just a salad when my husband & I FINALLY get to go out to dinner. I'm not about to over eat (can't afford it!!!) but even if I do eat more than I should, so what!!!! I'm living life & making sure to enjoy it!!!! Life is tooooooooo short!

I do have to admit that there is to be some motivation & drive to be found by the competition of it all. By logging all the calories and the exercise I have the opportunity to challenge the friend above & others to do their best and they push me back!!! They have bad days and so do I, but it's the over all picture. One friend is currently beating me in exercise minutes, I'm driven to at least catch up if not surpass her and she's driven to keep her lead!!! It's just like the folks that head out every Monday night to play softball or basketball or whatever. It's our little friendly competition!

This whole thing also reminded me of a birthday a few years back when someone gave me a shirt for my birthday. (I was heavy into the "must loose weight" thing at the time) Without even looking at the shirt I looked at the label and instantly went off (in private) about "how DARE she buy me an Extra Large! Doesn't she know how much weight I've lost! The nerve!!!" I only recently found out that she knew about my little tantrum. When I look back, the shirt ended up being a brand that runs WAY small. It ended up being too small for my 12 year old daughter even!!! Who the hell am I to get THAT worked up over a label?!?!? How is it that I had that energy to waste like that?!?!?! What gave me the right to be THAT rude???? Was it worth it?

So, when you look at what you are doing and getting ready to belittle yourself for slipping up or making a mistake, ask yourself....WHY am I doing this?? What am I hoping to achieve? Is it going to do ANY good to beat myself up about this? Or my personal favorite for John: Is yelling & screaming about this going to change anything??? We are human. Learn from your mistakes, not torture yourself about them. And know WHY you are doing something. Get the whole picture. You don't have to have a plan for where you're going, but atleast know WHY you are headed that direction.

But most of all..... ENJOY LIFE!!!! It's to short not to!