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    THIMBLETACK  
SparkPoints
 
 
Tired of tracking every calorie....

Monday, March 07, 2011

Maybe it comes with the diet territory,,,,but i am so sick of tracking each and every bite i eat...weighing each food, looking up calorie content...i've been doing this since October and know just how important it is, but dang i need a break, not from dieting and exercise but from the tedious daily counting....
Yes, i've learned many new and improved eating habits and for just a few wee days i think i'll try to do it by practicing my newly learned skills....ones i've learned and am most thankful for, as they have brought awesome results here on spark people...and if by chance i see a gain,,,i'll give in and continue the dreaded caloric counting, but i'm hoping (fingers crossed) i'll continue to lose without the food tracker, just an experiment...by no means quitting...
Some absolutely wonderful things have been happening in my family life such as my son, who had been gone from my life for seven and a half years taken by his father who moved repeatedly to prevent legal action for taking this child has come home...it is truly a blessing...but also a busy and emotional time, as there is still a child ( a seventeen year old) who hasn't come home, so there is joy but also saddness for the boy who will soon be a man i am just getting to know again...both of them, and with joy also heartache i can not just at yet put into words, all i can say...is that its there inside me, i mourn the loss of the childhood memories, i fear failing at the second chance i've been given to re-establish a relationship with both children/young adults, AND ALSO... last but not least the mounds of paper work, and social agencies that must be contacted, as the oldest child is now a disabled adult, as he was born that way....seizures, many a day, plus ADHD, and other diagnosis's that may or may not be right...juggling his meds, high school schedules, yes he is still in high school special ED...and i encourage him to continue no matter how long finishing school takes or how old he is when it hapens...he CAN do it...in ways other than main stream educational skills he is brillantly smart, funny, talented, and of course as a mom i adore him, as i do both children...discussing this feels like coming out of the closet so to speak, as i've not spoken of it to any one in many years, burying the pain inside, feeling guilt, anger, and the mosr profound saddness, i can't tell you, just how much it hurts to know your child is out there and you can not get to them, protect them, or save them from lifes perils...this led to my own self distruction, eatting..to just name one of the chosen addictions...(not saying i'm a drug user here, OR EVER WAS) I'M SAYING...I never smoked cigarettes, nor drank till drunk, or binged till physically sick until the day the home the children and i shared that was once filled with laughter and child voices became a prision, with no sounds but tv's, or radio/ computer, silence is scary thing when your hurting as you are left with your own thoughts, and what ifs, beating yourself up emotionally...it has been a long journey....
But my life has turned a page and that chapter of my life has began to end...and this time i'm ready to be author, illustator, and publisher of this story and its ending, no longer letting out side influences dictate...i am choosing my own version, and just not what life throws at me...
So thats where i'm at in my journey, and to be honest i shared more than maybe i should have, but maybe not, as there may be another person some where on this journey who also has had this happen, and they might need to know...its never to late for a happy ending...and endings are often the beginning of wonderful things...of course with the daily ups and downs that occur, but still there is joy...
Wishing every one here at sparkpeople a wonderful week, and most important...self love...love your self...Hugz...christen
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHYINNOOGA 3/9/2011 6:42AM

    Stay strong.

I will limit my comments to the calorie tracking.

Don't do it.

I don't do it all the often anymore.

I think the whole deal with the tracking is to make you aware.

If you have done it long enough, which it sounds as though you have since you are to the point of being sick of it, you now have a pretty good idea of what you are putting in to your body. I am to the point I know I can only eat a little of this and a whole bunch of that. Then it simply boils down to making the right choice for me.

Knowing how many calories is in certain foods was eye opening for me. It showed me how many useless calories I was consuming.

My eyes are now wide open.

Good luck!!

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NURSE_FAWN 3/8/2011 12:10AM

    May God bless you. You can never share too much if it helps you feel better. We are here to support you on this journey. Sometimes all we can do is listen and hope that helps.

I agree about the calorie logging. Some days I'd rather be beat than log calories LOL! Good luck with your experiment. Since you have learned better eating habits, you will do great! emoticon

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MISSY0356 3/7/2011 7:42PM

    I know what you mean about tracking being tedious but it also keeps us honest and on track, sometimes its the only way we realize exactly just how much we have eaten. I am happy to hear that your life seems to be taking a turn for the better, and I wish you much luck and continued success.

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