Freakouts and Phantom Fat
Saturday, March 05, 2011
I had a mini-meltdown in Target today. I was shopping with my friend Jill and I saw this adorable black skirt. I needed a new black skirt as A) my old ones are too big and B) under the Draconian new dress codes at work they were too short. This skirt both A) fit and B) was long enough without looking like something my grandmother would have worn. So I'm standing in line staring at my skirt and suddenly I felt a rush or worry take hold. I've recently lost a little bit of weight and the skirt I was purchasing was a size 4, the smallest size I have ever worn. I've bought a few pairs of pants in this size as well and they all seem to fit fantastically. The problem is that I don;t quite believe that I actually wear a size 4 or that I'll stay there. I can't quite wrap my head around the fact that I'm not fat anymore. When shopping I find myself instinctively grabbing the larger sizes and avoiding clothes that I think will cling to the fat that isn't there anymore.
I recently found this article online and I think it describes me to a T. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31
It basically says that even after people lose weight they have a hard time adjusting their body image to to fit the new shape. Often people assume that by losing several pounds their bodies will automatically adjust and they'll be rocking bikinis in no time. Sadly, this just isn't the case. It's hard to realize that even after dropping over 90 pounds I still don't look like Brooklyn Decker and never will. You start to wonder if you've done enough, should you try to lose more weight? In some ways I feel like I've failed. I start to wonder if I need to try harder, do more. Then reality steps in and I realize that I'm at a point now where I look good, feel good and most importantly can maintain my weight without hours in the gym or missing out on the occasional treat. I'm not perfect, but of course nobody is. It's time to put as much effort into loving the body I have now as I did achieving it.