Monday, February 28, 2011
A lot of people have trouble finding the motivation to keep going with their weight loss and fitness goals. I've found that this is generally due to an unhappiness with their progress, how they look, and so on.
Me, I have a different problem altogether.
It's been a difficult seven months for me. I'm geographically separated from my husband (he's on assignment with the Navy), living with my 5-year-old with Mom and Dad to round out the bank account in preparation for a move to Hawaii, working part time at a temporary job I enjoy but know will end shortly, and have generally been at loose ends.
Here's the funny thing. In the midst of all this transition and uncertainty, I've managed to find boatloads of self-esteem. I'm very happy with how I look. I look great in my clothes. They may be size 12, but they're sexy and cute, and I FEEL sexy and cute in them. And don't ask my husband his opinion unless you're prepared to hear exactly how good I look to him.
I'm happy with my fitness level. Hell, I was able to complete a 2-day, 80-some mile bike ride for MS without much of an issue, short of the normal issues one would experience on a long bike ride. Yeah, my butt was numb! I might have been slower than some, but I was faster than others, and the important point to note is, I did it. On my own. I can run and play with my son as long as he wants to, and not be out of breath or exhausted. I run, I cycle, I lift weights. I'm no "athlete" but I can hold my own at a pace I feel good about.
My health is great. If you didn't know my weight, and you checked my blood pressure, cholesterol, stress level, and so on you'd think I was in perfect shape. I do not suffer from asthma, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, digestive issues...
So. Here I am, fit, happy, feeling great about me... and overweight. I don't know what strangers think when they look at me. I don't much care, to be honest with you. I know what the people who matter to me think, and that's what's important.
You might be thinking, "So what?" You might be thinking what an arrogant jerk I am. I'm not an arrogant jerk. This precious self-esteem came after long years of staring into the mirror hating what I saw, years of hating myself for not being better, thinner, fitter... I've wasted too much time feeling less than who I am, ignoring the positive to berate myself for the negative, and I'm done doing that. I don't want my son to see his mom hating herself, because how can I possibly teach him how to be the best person he can be if I don't give myself that same chance?
I do know that I want to do more, be more, keep on improving because the only way to get happy and be happy is to keep making yourself a little bit better, day by day. In case you're wondering, "better" doesn't mean "skinny" in my world anymore. I've had to find my motivation outside the box.
So here's what I'm thinking. I think instead of focusing on losing weight, I'll start focusing on challenging myself. Pushing my own limits, cause let's face it, no matter how awesome you are, there's something you can't do... YET.
I'd like to see just what the new, improved, MOTIVATED Stacie is capable of.