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Weigh In, Saying No to Food Pushers: Beck Day 29

Monday, February 28, 2011

Weight: 153.


Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well.

I'm over it now. Up a pound from last week, just like Beck told me was possible. With the exception of eating those roasted veggies standing up (could not have been even 300 calories, probably less than half that) I was completely compliant with the program all week: measuring food, within calorie range, exercising diligently.

So be it. My ticker is changed. I've graphed it in my workbook. The scales will come down again. And lower. Yes they will.

Beck is launching into a week of solving "real life" problems -- the first of which is dealing with food pushers.

Food pushers are not too much of a problem for me, really. I refuse to socialize with people who make me eat. I refuse to entertain people who require to be fed elaborately in my home. I would prefer social events to be focused on something other than eating: a trip to an art gallery, or a play, or out shopping, or to the gym, or a walk in the woods, or a cross country ski, or golfing. There are lots of terrific options. Then I'm happy to pick up the cheque in a restaurant afterwards and my guest is certainly encouraged to order whatever he or she wants -- so long as I am accorded the same respect about what I choose to eat for myself. Which will be soup, or a salad. And fruit or yogourt if available. And black coffee. Lots of that.

But I'm not going to eat stuff I don't want to make someone happy. Which includes treats brought into work (fortunately, something that doesn't occur very often) or boxes of doughnuts from Tim Horton's delivered by grateful clients. Sorry if it hurts your feelings . . . really , I am sorry . . . but it's not just the calories at the time, it's the "trigger" effect of the fats/sugars/salts.

Would you force alcohol on an alcoholic? No? Then don't expect me to eat what I've decided already is not good for me. The fact that my breast cancer was a high estrogen tumour associated with excess weight, and that my chances of recurrence go up with an increase in weight: that to me is my paramount reason for weight control. I'm not going to force that uncomfortable explanation on someone in a social situation -- but just accept the "No thanks". "Looks great, but no thanks". "Not just now, thanks". Because I am. Not. Eating. It.


Card Four: "It's OK to disappoint people".

Yup, it is. And although dealing with food pushers is not a problem for me, their response can be.

I'm generally very friendly and sociable. People generally like me and I generally like people. But my refusal to eat socially in the conventional manner can be a stumbling block. It puzzles people. Espcially people who are themselves overweight and perceive me as thin. And who perceive my self control around eating as a rebuke or criticism of them.

They want to order the greasy fries or the ooey gooey nachos or whatever -- and they feel uncomfortable because I'm not. I've lost friends over my refusal to be compelled to participate in social eating situations.

Too bad. That's the way it is, and the way it has been for a very very long time. I'm not available for stuffing. It's not my idea of a good time, and submitting to force feeding doesn't cohere with my notion of what constitutes friendship. If you make me choose between your company, and my adherence to my eating plan: well, sorry, but that choice has already been made. NO CHOICE.

And it won't be you, babe.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • GABY1948
    I am so thankful that you post links to both your blogs for the day....they help me SO much. I learn by reading....visual things. Cannot thank you enough for ALL your influence and help!
    1197 days ago
    What you wrote is a big help to me.
    2549 days ago
    That blip on the scales is just temporary :D

    And yay for not being a goose (ie allowing yourself to be stuffed with food... after all, they just want to eat your liver :P)

    (OK that sounded like a great joke in my head and now it seems like a crass response to your thoughtful commentary... possibly too much time spent communicating with under 5s lately :P)

    Oh Well.
    2549 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/28/2011 2:21:32 PM
    You said it! Something we all need to think about I think, regardless of our weight issues, is why we eat. I agree totally, you should not eat to please someone else. My mother in law is a wonderful woman but a food pusher so I can relate to some degree. I also agree that we need to ensure we don't have unfair expectations of people with regard to food.

    I can also relate about other people saying "you're thin enough or thinner than (fill in name) so what do you have to worry about syndrome." We each have our own goals, needs and reasons. We need to each learn to be respectful of these in each other, and not take our differences as personal attacks or for that matter even comments. I think, after all, that is part of friendship and being ourselves. I guess that's why SP is so important to so many of us.

    You make me think every day. Thank you for that friend! (Plus thinking uses some calories... doesn't it?!)

    2549 days ago
    Well done my friend!!!

    "Food pushers" is a good word, I have never heard that before.
    2549 days ago
    You are 100% correct. You have already addressed the food pusher issue and you stand squarely for good health and healthy eating. a BIG Good For You!!

    I don't know that I will ever be good at the disappointment at the scale. I'm definitely still working on that one. I like what you have written. It makes sense. I hope you did grieve your temporary gain and let it go. It is just that -- temporary. As long as you don't let it discourage you, it will be gone next week, probably with more of its companions.

    Keep up the good work! You are doing great!!
    2549 days ago
    Very interesting thought. I think we can teach something when we entertain a food pusher. We might be able to alter their thinking. They may not visit us again, but it is possible!
    2549 days ago
    Well done Ellen, standing up for your rights to eat what you choose and refuse what you don't want..That is a very big accomplishment! Sorry you had to lose friends over it, but it may be for the best. I read a Spark article where it was discussed how your friends influence you and if you have overweight friends, you tend to get that way too. I would like very much to participate in activities that don't involve food, and I am lucky my Mom enjoys walking/hiking so much :))
    Keep up the great work!!

    2549 days ago
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