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A RAMBLE... don't say you were not warned!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Thoughts are racing in my head and I decided to declutter them here...
Nothing else so far has been working!

I will not bother to try to make sense of anything... i'll just throw it out there.

I gained a bit!
Not saying how much because I have not been consistently weighing so I'm not sure if i caught a high or a low with my last weight. I have varicose veins that make my legs swell so I can retain quite a bit of water and lately I feel bloated alot so God alone knows how much junk is retained in my gut... I cannot seem to get my tummy flat at all even sucking it in which is not usual. so I acknowledge the real possibility that all this "weight" is not fat.

However I have not made time to do cardio lately. I started feeling over whelmed with all the parts of my life again so i have been cutting back in every area... some wisely some not so wisely e.g. I should be in church right now but there is a family get together today and my sister had a baby last night. I have to drive many miles to visit her in hospital and did not feel i could handle it all. So I dropped church... NOT WISE! I need it now more than ever! I also did not go on Friday... anyone understand what I mean when I say it is hard to smile for so long? And if anyone asks me what is wrong they may get more than they bargained for. So for their safety and mine I am staying away. (still not wise...)

I finally caught up with some long overdue filing (a year's worth) and got the statuotory requirements for the business I work for up to date. I breathe a sigh of relief there and am proud of myself for handling things but... I still feel like I am not doing enough. (This is a much longer story than I care to go into here so just use your imagination... there is alot more I need to be doing)

The job is pretty ok for now. I work in a different office now. Alot more convenient to get to and from. Much better team to work with. I still feel anxious in it because so many times before things pop up and mess up an acceptable work situation. I know I should not fear the worse here butI feel it is risky to get too comfortable and risk being destabilised if things change.

Maybe it was good to get that out there... I am way more anxious on the job than I need to be. So I need to address that.

I am in Physiotherapy gym... It is AWESOME! emoticon
The trainer works with athletes so the strength training is the bomb!! sooo functional! and unlike anything I've seen done before. I LOVE IT!! only challenge is his times are limited so I work with him mondays and fridays at 8am! This means on those two days It is a mad rush to get the kids ready and leave the house to face rush hour traffic to get to him and rush to work late and try to catch up with the other coworkers so no one can say I did not do my share. I probably pressure myself more than I should but its a bad habit that wont go away. Even reaching late I often do more than my share. Go figure?!

The house is untidy again. With a husband and kids you cannot expect a house to stay how you left it but in light of mounting pressures... I had to back off obsessiong about the house... ERGO... MESS!!

The biggest issue plaguing me concerns a family matter I cannot get into here.
(One of the reasons I did not want anyone who knows me to be my friend on spark! lol
I have friends and family here now so I do not feel as free to just say what's going on in my life. Shucks darn! I tried having the public and private page but it was to much work because of the loggin in. So I'm only here now. The other is still open for now but I'm not using it.

I'm still dancing in church (only once since starting physiotherapy) I'm wondering if to drop that. Maybe not because now both my kids are in the junior dance ministry so I have to take them to practice anyway... I may as well. Plus I ADORE dancing! Best part of my life! (almost)

I do miss sparking consistently.... REALLY MISS IT!! emoticon
But I have one of those lives and minds that need to drop something to pick up something else.

I need to log food again... but to do that I'll have to drop something... and all my other balls need to be in the air right now. I want to study online and have a baby but those two have been scratched from the list... indefinitely! At best in 5 years I may have time for one of the two... and having a baby late in life is NOT my desire.... but it does make me sad that I'm too busy to have a baby.

I'm not reading this over to see if it makes sense... I warned you it is a ramble...
Strangely I do not feel better yet... no release... must be because of all the things I left unsaid.
sigh! emoticon

Oh well...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks each of you for the support.
    It brought tears to my eyes....
    I see the concensus is to keep dancing!! agreed... JOY divine!!

    My body has a way of forcing a rest on me when i wont take it.
    My back went out yesterday. I could not workout today... had to lie on a hot pack then get stretched my the trainer. Still in pain had to go to work as we were short staffed but I could not make it so I had to come home early.

    I think I'll take a hint and take the week off.

    It should do me good!
    2579 days ago
  • _CYNDY55_
    emoticon Wishing You The Very emoticon emoticon emoticon
    ✫(.·´ )✫( `·.)✫ emoticon emoticon ✫(.·´ )✫( `·.)✫
    2580 days ago
    I always love it when you stop by... I am glad you are back in a way you feel comfortable.

    It does sounds like a lot is going on. Life is funny that way.

    Know that you are still fabulous whatever you choose to do. By the way, isn't strength training da bomb?! You go girl.

    2580 days ago
    I feel your pain and I understand where you are coming from. Time to take a hard look at where you are at and what is best for you and your family. I also have a Type A personality and life can get VERY overwhelming for me too if I let it. It is a daily juggling act for me. Sometimes I just have to put my priorities in black & white to see my way through the situation. It is all tough I know. You may need to blog your thoughts in private to yourself to help release the feelings that you are experiencing. I have done that too. I wish you all the best and sending you positive energy, smiles, and emoticon my sparked friend!
    2580 days ago
    Hi Honey... I miss you. I know I could email but little Ethan has been keeping Gma on her toes. I will try to be better!
    You MUST, MUST, MUST keep the dancing.... it is part of your joy!
    I am glad that work is some better than it was last year.
    Physiotherapy gym - now I must look that up! Sounds like you are loving it!,
    You and I seem to have the same OCD, Type A personality. Let me try and give you some advice (because I am older - not sure about wiser!)... I know how much it can make you crazy when the house gets out of control. When my kids were growing up there were not enough hours in the day for everything but the house had to be clean. I so wish that I could get all those hours back that I spent cleaning and organizing, etc. I would have spent more time enjoying my kids and my husband and life in general... and I would have gotten a lot more sleep!
    So.... my dear friend, try to just take a deep breath when you walk by the mess. Those babies grow up way too fast! AND... I seem to have passed this ridiculous mindset on to my own daughter... and she is worse than me. Since having Ethan she is trying to be better than goodness! She's also given up a few things so she can have house cleaners come in twice a month.... it truly makes all the difference!
    Love you girl! Let's be better about staying in touch!
    2580 days ago
    You have so much going on Lin no wonder you're frazzled. I'd keep the dancing, your one enjoyment, to keep you sane.
    I'm sure things will be resolved; you're half way to prioritising the important things by blogging.
    keep that thought process going and you'll get there hun
    Hang in there, I hope things get better for you emoticon emoticon
    2580 days ago
    I understand where your coming from.I wish you the best. emoticon
    2580 days ago
    it sounds like you do have a lot on your plate! just remember to try and take some time for you (even if its just 10 mins a day!) and that God never gives us any more than we can handle emoticon hope things get better soon for ya!
    2580 days ago
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