Saturday, February 26, 2011
Well, that is the question I have been asking myself for over a decade when I look in the mirror or at a picture of myself. I heard somebody who had lost alot of weight say that 'their brain has not caught up with their body yet." And after two years, that pretty much sums it up for me. This has been as much of an emotional journey, as a physical one for me, and now that I am alot closer to my goal I feel like a mental patient sometimes! I don't know how to explain it. But for example, I remember at my biggest, when I was in this dress, and looked in the mirrror I remembered thinking I looked skinny: (I am the fat one on the left)
Then when I saw this picture I was SHOCKED! Was I in fat denial? This would happen to me all the time when I was huge! I was get dressed and think I look good to go somewhere and then I would see a picture of myself at the event or party and I would be SHOCKED at how horrible I looked!
SOOO, fast forward to now. Its the COMPLETE opposite! I get dressed, and all I see is fat. I look in the mirror and think of all the fat I could be losing off my body. I don't think I look that great....then I go to the event or party and see a picture of myself and I look like some other skinnier and more attractive version of myself!!! WTF??? This picture was taken two days ago on my 29th birthday and when I looked in the mirror I didn't think I looked great, then I saw this picture and I said WHO IS THAT?? AHH I love how I look for the first time in FOREVER!
SO I have been depressed in my journey lately, stuck at the same weight for about 4 months. But like my bestie Michelle tells me, I need to look back and think REALLY hard sometimes and see how far I have come. My smile in the last picture was without effort and without trying. Its different from my 'fat picture' smiles. IF I really look at the differences in my face, its enough to make me cry out of happiness. THIS IS SUCH AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY! I know why they are always crying on Biggest Loser now! I have lost 125lbs and not alot of people in life can do that, so I am celebtrating today and giving myself a pat on the back for once, and hopefully it will give me a new outlook to finish out my journey this year! Love to all my sparkling sparkers!!! XOOXOX Bekka :)