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    BEKKASHAY   18,571
SparkPoints
15,000-19,999 SparkPoints
 
 
Who Is That??

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Well, that is the question I have been asking myself for over a decade when I look in the mirror or at a picture of myself. I heard somebody who had lost alot of weight say that 'their brain has not caught up with their body yet." And after two years, that pretty much sums it up for me. This has been as much of an emotional journey, as a physical one for me, and now that I am alot closer to my goal I feel like a mental patient sometimes! I don't know how to explain it. But for example, I remember at my biggest, when I was in this dress, and looked in the mirrror I remembered thinking I looked skinny: (I am the fat one on the left)

Then when I saw this picture I was SHOCKED! Was I in fat denial? This would happen to me all the time when I was huge! I was get dressed and think I look good to go somewhere and then I would see a picture of myself at the event or party and I would be SHOCKED at how horrible I looked!
SOOO, fast forward to now. Its the COMPLETE opposite! I get dressed, and all I see is fat. I look in the mirror and think of all the fat I could be losing off my body. I don't think I look that great....then I go to the event or party and see a picture of myself and I look like some other skinnier and more attractive version of myself!!! WTF??? This picture was taken two days ago on my 29th birthday and when I looked in the mirror I didn't think I looked great, then I saw this picture and I said WHO IS THAT?? AHH I love how I look for the first time in FOREVER!


SO I have been depressed in my journey lately, stuck at the same weight for about 4 months. But like my bestie Michelle tells me, I need to look back and think REALLY hard sometimes and see how far I have come. My smile in the last picture was without effort and without trying. Its different from my 'fat picture' smiles. IF I really look at the differences in my face, its enough to make me cry out of happiness. THIS IS SUCH AN EMOTIONAL JOURNEY! I know why they are always crying on Biggest Loser now! I have lost 125lbs and not alot of people in life can do that, so I am celebtrating today and giving myself a pat on the back for once, and hopefully it will give me a new outlook to finish out my journey this year! Love to all my sparkling sparkers!!! XOOXOX Bekka :)
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATARSHAD 5/24/2011 2:40PM

    I can totally relate to this message. I am still very heavy and desperately need to lose a lot of weight. However, when I put on clothes and look at myself in the mirror, it doesn't look so bad. Then someone snaps a picture of me, and I am like "OMG!!!" I have been following you and your journey. You are so inspiring. Eveytime I think about how much I need to lose, I get overwhelmed. Well, I am gonna take the advice I read in one of your other blogs. I am re-committing June 1, 2011. I am planning my meals now so that I can go 30 days without a single cheat. It will be hard, but with prayer, I think I can jump start my way to a new me as you did.

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CRZYGRL72 4/15/2011 10:18AM

    Great Blog! You look AMAZING! and you ARE amazing! What a strong person you are to have gone that far in your journey - I'm hoping I can follow you :)

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WRAPPEDUPINLACE 3/21/2011 6:42PM

    I saw your profile and learned about your journey and I am trying to get re-motivated as I am at a point where I am plateauing and really getting frustrated...I have so much further go to and I just hope I can push through and get to the other side. Thanks for sharing your story. :)

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AJCHARTERS 3/9/2011 11:30AM

    You deserve that pat on the back! You've done amazing. What a journey! Thanks for being an inspiration. Keep it up girl. emoticon

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MARIEFIYA 3/5/2011 3:51PM

    You have come so far! Yes, you have done something AMAZING. Hold your head up high. Thanks for being an inspiration. You are so close to your goal. And if you have lost 125 pounds so far, what you have left is only a tiny fraction of that. Keep up the great work!!!

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BOJANMA1 3/3/2011 1:11AM

    Love you Bekka!!!!!!

On you smile I have to say you now smile more in your eyes!

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BETTERJULIA 2/28/2011 10:15AM

    You look beautiful - keep up the great work!

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TERRY631 2/27/2011 10:44AM

    You look absolutely amazing. You should be sooooooo proud of yourself for your accomplishment, and hope that you had a wonderful birthday :)

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CKAY22 2/26/2011 7:32PM

    love you, love you, love you! Complete and utter inspiration for me, and SO many others. You have helped me live a better life... and most importantly, you have helped YOURSELF live a better life.
You look absolutely beautiful Bekka! Never ever forget how hard you have worked, and how far you have come. The rest of your journey will come naturally.
xoxoxo
love, cynthia

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DALEJR_FAN_TINA 2/26/2011 4:27PM

    That is one BEAUTIFUL LADY! You look so FABULOUS!!! Don't let the number on the scale get you down. After all the SMALLER you get the HARDER it is to lose the weight. You have come a LONG way and you didn't give up. Give your body time. I know you said you changed your workout the other day and maybe that's what it's gonna take to make the pounds start moving again. I think maybe you body got used to what you were doing and now it needs a new challenge . That's what I think I need too. I did get to the 115 and it didn't last long. I think my body doesn't want to be that small. I'm staying at around 118 or so. I'll be happy with that. Give this new workout a try for a while and I'll bet you will start seeing results again. I am so VERY PROUD of YOU! Keep up the GREAT work my friend. No matter what, I think you are BEAUTIFUL!!! I'll bet your hubby does too.

emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/26/2011 4:28:59 PM

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APIRLRAIN888 2/26/2011 10:55AM

    OH MY GOODNESS! I can so relate! and yes same boat on 4 months plateau!

my advice! take tons of pics, and RACK up tons of non scale vics! there is a lot going on even is MR scale is too stubborn to agree!

I choose to agree or disagree with mr. scale now!

you look awesome! and thank you for writing this! that is exactly how I feel too

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SCHECK5 2/26/2011 10:28AM

    You look absolutely great...keep up all the work you have been doing!!! emoticon

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