Saturday, February 26, 2011
I used to date a man who always said, "I wish I didn't have to eat. I just don't care about food, and it's a chore for me to eat."
What?! I don't understand this at all. AT ALL. Food is such a huge part of life, and learning to co-exist with it peacefully, is my major challenge.
I love food. I love to shop. I love to cook. I love to eat. Is that "normal?" Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, it's me, and I need to work with it.
So, anyway, fast forward to February of 2011, when I am currently not peacefully co-existing with food at all. I read the SP boards a lot, and I see all these people, who are doing various diets and lifestyle changes, and they just... do it. They just say, "I'm going to start eating fewer carbs," and bam, they lower their carb intake by half. How do they do it? How do they just make the switch? I often feel like food is controlling me, rather than the other way around. I don't know how or when this happened. Rationally, I know that when I eat a pound of animal crackers before bed, I will wake up in the a.m., feeling like I got hit by a truck. Rationally, I am aware of the fact that 6 servings of pretzels, while zoned out on American Idol, will only make me look like a puffer fish in the morning. So, why do I do it? Why do I insist on having a food hangover every morning?
I have noticed that lately, I am a bear. I am moody, irritable, exhausted, annoyed, snappy, emotional, anxious, etc. My husband thinks I am totally burnt out. He thinks the kids are making me into a lunatic. Maybe so, but I truly believe that a lot of it is diet related. I think I am "over-carbing" and "over-grazing" in the evenings, resulting in awful mood swings and terrible food hangovers. Food directly affects my mood. That's it.
So, how am I going to conquer this? I don't know. Any ideas? A therapist once said to me, "Who is in control of the food? Can the food really be in control?" Um, no. The food cannot be in control. I am in control here. So how am I going to take back my control? I truly need to figure this out. I really have no problems during the day, but the evenings are really difficult for me. I would like to say that I have a grand plan for taking my power back... But I don't. So, I am reaching out here. How do we conquer those pesky cravings for carbs, salt, and sugar? I am not trying to lose weight, but to gain a healthier relationship with food. I want balance. I want to feel the confidence of having control over my habits. Right now, I am in a battle, which I am on my way to losing. I am ready to win.
So, I can only control one day at a time. Here is my plan for today. I will:
Eat when I am hungry.
Eat slowly and chew my food.
Stop when I am satisfied.
Plan ONE snack to eat between 8-9pm, and then brush teeth and close the kitchen.