Thursday, February 24, 2011
So i was on hold after i graduated basic for some paperwork, but while there i got to know this guy and we kept in touch. he is a nuke as well so we knew that eventually we were going to be in one place for a while. everything was great on text for a little over a month after i came to the training center and he was still on hold. when he did get down here he was so much different. he was distant and just a different person. but if i want something and i think it is worth it i do not give up fighting for it, so i hung on for about a month, all i asked of him was a few hours during the weekend and to communicate. it did not sound hard. one weekend he did not contact me at all then on Monday asked for an apology. he should have known that i was trying to give him leeway but he had hung himself with it.
so about 2 weeks later he gives me this:
"i know it will never be good enough, but i want to say again how sorry i truly am for what i did. i offer no excuses, no logical reasons for what i did. you offered me everything you had to give and i, foolishly, wasted what could have been something amazing.
i can tell you only this, i sincerely regret my actions (and in-actions) and would do absolutely anything to change the past. sadly, for me at least, this is not possible. that which i did not only destroyed your trust in me, it also hurt you. i hope you know i never meant to hurt you in any way.
I've had significant time to think about what happened over the past weeks and while thinking about it, I've reached two conclusions. the first was easy, you deserve to be happy and should peruse whatever it is that achieves such. the second was obvious in hindsight, but was much more difficult to realize. even when i realized it, it was more difficult to admit. simply stating the conclusion without an explanation seems inadequate, so here goes.
i fell for you harder and faster than i anticipated, or to be honest planned on or wanted to. what was initially a casual hook up quickly became someone i could rely on, confide in and simply talk to. within these conversations was contained the promise at more and better things to come. stupidly, i took these promises for granted and let them remain stagnate instead of nurturing them to flourish.
looking back i realize just how significant a mistake that was. that brings me to my second conclusion, which is also a request in part. if you can find a way, without sacrificing any of your own happiness, to give me another chance, even if it means starting from square one again, i promise to take that chance and give it the full attention and dedication that it deserves, that you deserve."