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Oh, Well: Beck Day 22

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Oh, well.

Beck tells us that's how to respond to disappointment if we fail to meet our weight loss goals; or when (not if, WHEN) we feel deprived or disgruntled. And that we should remind ourselves that "oh well" is essentially how we deal with every other unavoidable disappointment or unpleasant task that life throws up at us.

Don't want to go to work? "Oh, well". Gotta do that. And so, do it.

Not happy about the size of my credit card bill this month? "Oh, well." It is -- not what it is (thanks, NOTABOUTTHEFACE, I strongly dislike the commonplace mantra, "it is what it is", too).

It is what I made it. And I'm the gal whose gotta deal with it. Yeah. Me.

So this morning after I weighed myself, I happened to pick up the Saturday edition of the National Post, a great Canadian newspaper. And I was reading about soldiers wounded in Afghanistan, including Lance Corporal Tyler Steven Huffman, age 22. Grievously wounded by an IED December 3, 2010; without the use of his legs, rehabilitating in Hunter Holmes McGuire Veterans Affairs Medical Centre in Richmond, VA. where he is visited almost daily by his 24 year old wife and their 18 month old son. He is quoted as saying: "Being paralyzed doesn't bother me. If I never walk again -- oh well."

Here's the link if you want to read the story:

http://news.nationalpost.com
/photo_gallery/wounded-war
riors-life-will-never-be-t
he-same/

I added his words to the back of my Beck Day 20 "Oh, Well" card so that I remember this courageous young man, Tyler Steven Huffman. And put my own much more modest struggles into perspective.

Oh, well.

Beck learned her own lesson about acceptance from the severe illness of her young son, who for a period of some six years was for medical reasons on a very strict diet: mostly fats, small amount of protein, almost no carbs. He very quickly learned to be matter-of-fact about this necessary deprivation and rigid control. Almost no sugar, no snacks, no treats for close to six years. They put a gold star on a chart for him daily until he learned the "oh, well" technique. Within weeks, there were pretty much no further complaints from him.

Beck is slim. But she was apparently never grossly overweight: she took off and has maintained about a 15 pound weight loss, using her own cognitive psychology strategies. So I can well imagine that Beck could not permit herself to complain about her own weight loss/weight maintenance rigours when faced with the matter-of-fact acceptance of much greater restrictions demonstrated daily by her young son. Oh, well.

I'm not really liking the preplanning of my food and the preplanning of my exercise. I'm struggling with resentment that others don't have to work as hard as I do to be slim. It seems a bit inelegant, excessive, obsessive. Oh, well. When I accept that this is the way I will have to manage my metabolism for life -- because it's evident to me that I do have to track and plan to manage my metabolism -- then I will stop struggling too. Stop being resentful. And then it will be much easier.

If a small child can learn "oh, well" and if a paralyzed young father- soldier can learn "oh, well" then I can too.

Oh, well. Oh, well. Oh, well.

And -- the fact is, after all my panic yesterday preparing for weigh-in, the scales today show me at 152, down from 155.5 yesterday and 156 a week ago. I"m fitting very nicely into that black leather size 6 pencil skirt with room to spare in the waistband. And my size six dark green pant suit. And a couple of other "challenging" outfits . . .

However, I'm not thinking that 152 is permanent -- I'm anticipating there may well be fluctuations up again from that point. Weight is not a steady progression downwards.

But the Beck diet solution is working. And what's pretty much certainly more important, when it's time for the next weigh-in I believe I'll be prepared to accept the results with greater equanimity. Because this is a life long process. Not a one-time goal.



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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CRYSTALJEM 2/21/2011 10:04AM

    Awesome blog! "food for thought" for sure. I like the NP too. I really like your perspective.

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FROSTIERACES 2/21/2011 7:42AM

    Oh I can so relate to your blog and feelings here Ellen! Thank you!! for saving me with this blog...I so needed to hear "oh well" and try to use that strategy about my past days. We can be so hard on ourselves ya know?! I'm happy for you in your skirt that fits and feels great! I hope you have a great week at work and can smile at your progress, you're doing marvelous!!

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FRACTALMYTH 2/21/2011 4:18AM

    WOOOHOOO Congrats on the good news from the scales and the nicely fitting clothes :D As for the rest. Oh, well. I'm writing that on a post it note and sticking it to my computer right this minute!

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ERIKO1908 2/20/2011 7:36PM

    I think this is my favorite "Beck Blog" of yours thus far. Very though-provoking...thanks so much for sharing your journey with us. Keep up the awesome work!!

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FREELADY 2/20/2011 3:11PM

    Great blog. Very meaningful to me. So much to chew on and think about.

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SUCHAHOOT 2/20/2011 2:49PM

    Great blog. Wonderful perspective!

"It is what I made it. And I'm the gal whose gotta deal with it. Yeah. Me."

Responsibility. and Focus. What I need to improve. Now.

Think I'll dust off my Beck books. :o)


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CHOCMOM 2/20/2011 2:06PM

  Wow, never heard of this plan, but I need to check it out. Sounds like something I need at this time in my life. Thank you for blogging about it. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CMB2048 2/20/2011 11:15AM

    Congratulations on that weight loss and Beck does seem to be working for you. I think I am going to take the plunge and get the book and workbook!

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NOTABOUTHEFACE 2/20/2011 11:13AM

    Thanks for the shout out. I hate that saying. It's like saying either "I give up" or "I take no responsibility." I have a few family members that say it and it grates like nails on a chalkboard.

I know the tracking and planning seems like a pain now but eventually it becomes second nature. Yeah it sucks that others SEEM to not have to do that but you don't know that they don't right? (I always hated seeing skinny people eat with gluttony at a restaurant but how do I know it's not their high cal day like we have?) In the end, if you get really depressed about your weight just remember, it could be worse...some of us still have to lose a whole YOU before we're in the healthy weight range! LOL
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PHEBESS 2/20/2011 10:40AM

    Very existential, and I'll try to remember that!

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NANCY- 2/20/2011 10:33AM

    Wow! How powerful and well said.
first of all ...
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Yes You have a lower number to look at on the scale. But what is wonderful is that you are taking responsibility and doing what you need to do for you. Alas it may not be the preferred path... but it is the path that gets you to your goal.
I loved "It is what I made it. And I'm the gal whose gotta deal with it. Yeah. Me."
You are dealing with it!
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