Friday, February 18, 2011
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Isn't that a wonderful quote? The first time I read it, it really hit home. It seems that I'm always spending my time regretting things that I cannot change or anticipating that magical time when everything will be just perfect. I suspect I'm not alone in that.
It applies not only to my new and healthier eating habits but to my issues with depression as well. When I am feeling a depressive episode coming on, I reread that quote. While it doesn't stop the depression from happening, it helps me to remember that I have more control over my own life than I usually think.
I am making a concerted effort to live in the moment, rather than the past or future. It's not an easy thing to do. Sometimes my mind gets fixated on things that seem monumentally important at the time, but I realize later are really insignificant. I work with a psychiatric nurse who is very into Zen and conscious mindfulness. I don't know if I'm a Zen type person, but I am trying to be more mindful of of my thoughts. I think that by doing so I may have an easier time with my new lifestyle and habits. I need to control my thoughts, not let them control me. No more insulting myself, no more calling myself a failure if I'm not perfect, no more thinking that I suck now, but when I lose weight I'll be terrific--I am a terrific person now regardless of my size and I should appreciate that. If I were so awful would I have such a wonderful job? Would I have such a fantastic, supportive husband? Of course not.
I choose to be happy.