Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Hello everyone it’s been sometime now since I actually sat down to write a blog and SO much has happened since; good and bad.
Where to start? Hum, well I’ll start with the bad. It’s been 2 ½ weeks since I’ve done P90X. I’m really down on myself because of it. About that time I started to feel under the weather almost like I was getting sick but it didn’t quit evolve; physically I was completely out of it and can’t quit explain exactly what I was feeling. I was also having a terrible time sleeping. I would dream all this crazy stuff, so nutty that I couldn’t even put it words. About 2 days ago, I can actually say that I’m at 80% of “normal” sleeping SO much better now but I still haven’t got back on board. Fear has been trying to put its grip on me, you know that voice that tells you you’re a failure, you’re just going to gain your weight back again, why try…..etc. I been feeding this adversary and he’s gaining ground. Btw, when I say I’ve been feeding him its literal – chocolate candy, late night cereal, cheesy pasta, and so on. I’m convinced that I have gained at least 10 lbs since the holidays. I haven’t weight myself in “fear” on the results but I can feel and see the difference. So is this the end of yet another great weight loss effort? It was quit a journey I just had my first Sparkversary on February 6th. I am in GREAT need for accountability and encouragement. A couple of co-workers thought that maybe I was over doing it in fitness and not feeding my body properly and that’s why I flat lined. It highly possible but doesn’t make me feel any better. I worse part of all this is my husband had made a few comments to me recently about getting myself back on board. Although I don’t think he had any negative intentions but I took it that way. What I heard was you better get it together or you’re just going to stay fat and get fatter! You have to understand my husband had never commented on my weight ever, my health yes but, weight never. So something happened to my psyche hard to explain but let me try. It’s almost like I’m being stubborn not to exercise because HE said I should. Can anyone relate to that? I know I have to get over this and I have to do it for ME and by not doing it now I feel like I’m making that statement. A statement like: “Oh, heck no, I will exercise when I want to”; “I am doing this for me NOT for you”; “Keeping telling me what to do and I won’t do anything”. I know it’s ridiculous but that’s where I’m at. I really need a good talking to.
So now it’s out there………..I’m moving on to the good.
1. I took a 5 mile walk on Friday and it was great.
2. I continue to walk a mile at work daily (weather permitting)
3. I’m feeling better daily.
4. I log onto Sparks daily
5. I made the budget cuts, I’m still employed
6. I was appoint the Children’s Director for my church
7. I’m eliminating debt and it feels GREAT
8. I will continue this journey because it’s not a diet IT’S A LIFESTYLE