Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Hello everyone itís been sometime now since I actually sat down to write a blog and SO much has happened since; good and bad.
Where to start? Hum, well Iíll start with the bad. Itís been 2 Ĺ weeks since Iíve done P90X. Iím really down on myself because of it. About that time I started to feel under the weather almost like I was getting sick but it didnít quit evolve; physically I was completely out of it and canít quit explain exactly what I was feeling. I was also having a terrible time sleeping. I would dream all this crazy stuff, so nutty that I couldnít even put it words. About 2 days ago, I can actually say that Iím at 80% of ďnormalĒ sleeping SO much better now but I still havenít got back on board. Fear has been trying to put its grip on me, you know that voice that tells you youíre a failure, youíre just going to gain your weight back again, why tryÖ..etc. I been feeding this adversary and heís gaining ground. Btw, when I say Iíve been feeding him its literal Ė chocolate candy, late night cereal, cheesy pasta, and so on. Iím convinced that I have gained at least 10 lbs since the holidays. I havenít weight myself in ďfearĒ on the results but I can feel and see the difference. So is this the end of yet another great weight loss effort? It was quit a journey I just had my first Sparkversary on February 6th. I am in GREAT need for accountability and encouragement. A couple of co-workers thought that maybe I was over doing it in fitness and not feeding my body properly and thatís why I flat lined. It highly possible but doesnít make me feel any better. I worse part of all this is my husband had made a few comments to me recently about getting myself back on board. Although I donít think he had any negative intentions but I took it that way. What I heard was you better get it together or youíre just going to stay fat and get fatter! You have to understand my husband had never commented on my weight ever, my health yes but, weight never. So something happened to my psyche hard to explain but let me try. Itís almost like Iím being stubborn not to exercise because HE said I should. Can anyone relate to that? I know I have to get over this and I have to do it for ME and by not doing it now I feel like Iím making that statement. A statement like: ďOh, heck no, I will exercise when I want toĒ; ďI am doing this for me NOT for youĒ; ďKeeping telling me what to do and I wonít do anythingĒ. I know itís ridiculous but thatís where Iím at. I really need a good talking to.
So now itís out thereÖÖÖ..Iím moving on to the good.
1. I took a 5 mile walk on Friday and it was great.
2. I continue to walk a mile at work daily (weather permitting)
3. Iím feeling better daily.
4. I log onto Sparks daily
5. I made the budget cuts, Iím still employed
6. I was appoint the Childrenís Director for my church
7. Iím eliminating debt and it feels GREAT
8. I will continue this journey because itís not a diet ITíS A LIFESTYLE