Family isn't always by blood

Saturday, February 12, 2011

I was raised in a mixed family. By this I mean I was raised by my mother and step father. I also have 4 half brothers through my mom. I found my biological father 2 years ago and found that I have 2 half siblings through him. I hated hearing the words"step-child" as I was growing up. Even more I hated being treated different than the children born by blood into my stepfathers side of the family.

I found my biological father as I said. When I first met him and his new family I thought "I finally fit in. I finally belong." Well that didn't last long. His wife treated me as if I were his mistress not his daughter. She even went as far as demanding a DNA test. I was promised by my father he would put a stop to her mistreating me when he had the proof in black and white. Well, low and behold it came back 99.99%. Can't get any closer than that without cloning! Did it make her stop? Of course not, things got worse. I tried to let her rude remarks roll off my shoulder. I tried to over-look I could no longer call my father. I tried not to be hurt when the only time he could text is when he was at work. I even tried not to let it bother me when we have to email on an account she knew nothing about.

I told my hubby I didn't think this was fair. I didn't get to know him for 33 years of my life and always thought it was because my mother took me and moved away. I told him I was beginning to doubt my dad ever really looked for me. He agreed that the way I was having to communicate with my dad wasn't right and maybe I should talk to them about it.

I tried talking to my step mom but that was a horrible idea. She was never at fault it was always me or him that was in the wrong. I tried talking to my dad and then he turns the whole thing around on me. Saying I had given up on him and that I wasn't trying. WHAT?!?!?!? I wasn' t trying? He couldn't put his foot down and say "this is my daughter. You don't have to like her but at least respect her as she does you. Do not make remarks about her mother in front of her since you do not know the mother. And please do not disrespect her and try to fight in front of the children." Instead he tells me I should just not let it get to me. I should learn to get along. Ok, I do not go or stay where I do not feel welcome. I also do not invite people that make me that way into my home.

I decided to just step back and let her have him all to herself. Does this hurt? Yes. Out of 36 years of my l life I only got to know my dad for 2 and I didn't get to know much because the warden wouldn't let him be himself around me and my family.

I am married now with children and step children of my own. Only thing is at my house my hubby and I will tell you there are no steps. No step- fathers, step-mothers, step-brothers, step-sisters, and there are no half-siblings. We are a family. A whole family. A complete family. My children can all tell you the only steps at our house either get you up on our porch or to the second level of the house.

All the step-mother drama has been recent and those who know me know I was raised in a house with a step-father that didn't want me around. Honestly it has all been very stressful on me lately. My hubby reminded me that he and my children were my family now and are always here for me and love me and want me around. I have had several of my fathers side contact me and ask me to keep in touch with them because they consider me family even if my father is letting his wife keep us apart. Then I got a message from a spark friend asking how I was and I thought and there is my other family. They are always here for me and supportive and listen when I need an ear.

So, as I said family isn't always by blood. Family are the people who love you and care for you and are always there for you.

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