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"Have You Lost Weight?" and "You've Lost a Lot of Weight!"

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Those are 2 comments I've heard this week. Those are the FIRST comments I've heard, since starting this journey, from people who don' t know that I'm losing weight & getting fit.

The first comment came from an aquaintance at our co-op. One of the other mom's said, "have you lost weight?" When I answered, "Yes! Almost 25 pounds!" She told me she'd noticed a few weeks ago but wasn't sure, but this time she was sure I'd lost weight. emoticon

Then, today, a friend needed a ride. I've known this lady for about 18 years, though we only see each other a few times a year now. I was sitting down in the car with jeans and a t-shirt on and was shocked when she said "Wow... you've lost a lot of weight!" emoticon

What's sad is I went on & on about what I've been doing & how I've lost the weight. This lady is 'morbidly obese' and when she walked out of the house I thought, "wow! she's lost a lot of weight!" But, I just said "You look great!" when she got in the car. She started talking about my weight loss & then her husband's (he's also 'morbidly obese' - she said he lost a lot but has since gained it all back). Well, I wasn't sure what to say. I thought, won't she tell me she's lost too? Am I imagining it? Will I offend her?

When she got out of the car and walked away, I was SURE... she'd lost a lot of weight! And, now I feel bad that I didn't say anything.

So, this started as a wonderful post & led into my wondering why I didn't speak up & if I could have offended my friend...

I guess the reason I might think I could offend her was that I have been offended quite a few times. You see, my husband's grandmother is a dear, sweet lady... but every time I see her (I've been married almost 18 years), she tells me I've lost weight! Of course, most of the time she's wrong. I've often wondered just how big she expects me to be? Does she keep being surprised I'm not as big as she remembers? (We only see her 3-4 times a year.)

So, last thought... have you ever got offended by someone telling you that you look like you've lost weight when you haven't? Is it better just to tell someone you think they've lost weight & they look great? (that's why I left it as "you look great!")

Well, gotta tuck in my daughter. I hope you all had a wonderful day & have a wonderful evening & healthy day tomorrow!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I have a similar experience to you! as to others, I will get back to you, I have a friend starting a journey! but I know she is on a journey so that doesn't really count!

    I am safe in not offending b/c I am the most unobservant person there is ! hence the pics
    2590 days ago
  • MINNA72
    I don't think a compliment is ever wrong. At the least they will think that what they are wearing looks flattering on them and that should still make them feel good, even if they haven't actually lost any weight.

    2590 days ago
    Well, I actually sort of have the opposite story... I lost my weight in high school and nobody ever said ANYTHING! And I was like, are these people blind or something? It was kind of a bummer. One day I was standing outside the room for study hall (I had lost about 60 pounds by then) and my gym teacher, who I had obviously never really gotten along with, LOL) came up to me and said that she noticed I lost a lot of weight, and I look great, and keep up the good work! Made my day... I will always remember that.
    2591 days ago
    I usually go the "Wow, you look great" route. I figure at a minimum it will make them smile and say thanks.
    Way to go and keep up the great work at looking g-o-o-d!
    2591 days ago
    I guess go ahead and say something - worst case they say I haven't - then say - I am surprised because you sure looking good.
    2591 days ago
    I'm always worried about offending people if I mention a weight loss, so I always keep my mouth shut. And yet, I love it when people notice my weight loss! It's a great feeling to get those comments and know people are seeing the results of your hard work, so I don't know why it's so hard for me to acknowledge other people's efforts as well!
    2592 days ago
  • ROBYN168
    This blog has been on my mind, and I was coming back to say just what Kim said before me...

    Try to believe that everyone has the best of intentions....

    We are sensitive to our weight - no doubt about that - otherwise we wouldn't be on Spark trying to make therefore sometimes we may let our sensitivities into others best intentions.....

    Someone once told me the best thing to do when you receive a compliment is simply say Thank you...Don't explain it or try to justify it - simply say Thank you!!! I try to do that's not always easy. Accepting a compliment is not something in general that women do well.
    2592 days ago
  • KIMMAS82
    This is such a hard thing to manage. Anytime you make a comment, or recieve a comment for that matter, it always seems a little backhanded. A simple, "Hey, you've lost weight!" can SEEM like a, "Hey, you were so big before." (especially if you happen to be in a bad frame of mind at the time) even when that was the FURTHEST thing from what they, or you, have said.

    I've decided to believe that everybody has the best intentions and nobody is trying to offend by commenting on weightloss. (Unless of course you know differently.) If you make a comment, you know you have the best intentions and are only trying to acknowledge the hard work somebody has done. And I think it's only safe to assume that if somebody comments to you, they also have the best intentions.
    2592 days ago

    Comment edited on: 2/11/2011 9:43:11 AM
    How awesome and rewarding when others notice you're hard work! CONGRATS!
    2592 days ago
    Yeah, I never have felt anything but good when someone tells me it looks like I lost weight even if I hadn't. It's a great motivator for me!
    2592 days ago
    I always go the "you look great" route too...unless I know for sure that someone is actively trying to lose weight and we regularly talk about it. Otherwise, I too, am hesitant that maybe I'll offend like "did she think I really needed to lose weight??"...etc...

    My Nana was so cute....she would try to feed me the second I walked in her door, yet as I got older she would slap my hand if I went for a second piece of bread during dinner! She just wanted to show she loves me and cares for me and wants me healthy! I miss her every day...I was lucky to have her in my life for over 30 years (she lived until she was 92)!! I would love for her to be able to slap my hand tonight at the dinner table!
    2592 days ago
    Well this my just be me - but I have NEVER been upset or mad about anyone saying that I look thinner or look great or look like I've lost weight!! I actually can't wait for people to start saying it to me!! :)

    I'm sure she loved hearing the "You Look Great!" Comment!! :)

    The only thing that stands out in my mind is the one time someone mistakenly thought I was pregnant - when I was just fat! That was one that hurt me worse than anything and has stuck with me since!! lol
    2592 days ago
  • ROBYN168
    It's a fine line we walk --- if you comment that someone looks like they lost weight (and they haven't) - they in their heads think something like "I must have looked really bad the last time I saw her" - so when you say "you look great" you cover all of the bases without offending.

    Congrats that people are noticing. It's amazing that it takes 25-30 pounds before someone says anything.....
    2592 days ago
    I'm like you - if I think someone's lost weight I am afraid to say anything because I don't want to make them uncomfortable. Then I feel bad at the same time because it could be what they would like to hear. It's hard to know what to say!

    But GREAT!!! that people are commenting on yours.
    2592 days ago
  • LLBEAN75
    I love these comments. They make me feel so good!

    2592 days ago
  • MMS354
    Hey, long time no see! Congrats on your transformation - that's awesome!

    As someone who has been very overweight and lost the weight (before regaining, oopsy!) I can tell you that your comment would not have offended me at all. I think you were right on by saying your friend looked great. I think you could also safely tell your friend she loooks thinner or looks like she's lost weight. The ONLY comment that I used to cringe at and get embarassed by was when a well meaning person would tell me "wow, you've lost a TON of weight!" Ouch.

    It always feels good when people recognize our accomplishments, right? I'm glad you're being recognized for yours. Yay!
    2592 days ago
  • BAILEE_GRAVES for your friend not saying anything, I know that unless someone specifically says something to me like "You look like you've lost weight", I don't bring it up. Which she did to you and so I could see where you would begin talking about your weight loss journey.

    As to being offended if someone comments on my weight loss when I haven't loss....I actually weighed in this morning and had gained a pound and 2 people at work commented on how much thinner I was looking!
    It didn't offend me though. Just makes me think that maybe my body is changing in ways that don't show on the scale. And maybe that's what's happening with your husband's grandmother. First if she's elderly.....then you not seeing her too often.... and you could be wearing an outfit one time that really shows off your weight loss while another time maybe a more loose fitting outfit that doesn't.

    Who knows.......I guess I would just say next time you run into your friend mention it to her and perhaps it'll be the key for her to open up and share what's been going on with her.

    Good luck on your journey!!
    2592 days ago
    Talk about motivation!
    2592 days ago
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