Thursday, February 10, 2011
How many years have a been a member of SP now? Quite a few. So why am I still yoyoing thorugh life? I haven't been on SP now for quite a while. Reading my one and only blog entry from 9/2009 I can hear the fear in my thougths. Fear of diabetes, fear of food, fear of failure. Fear, Fear, Fear! Why, when I have such a great tool here do I choose not use it? I have so much I want to say but don't know where to begin.
The last year has been crazy with ups and downs (which is totally true) but once again its just an excuse! I am so beyond frustrated with everything! I have a very stressful job that I hate, but that pays the bills. I'm stuck there indefinately because where else can I go in this economy and make the same i'mmaking now with the benefits I get? I have to have those benefits for DH and my kids. Its easy for my family to just say get a different job but honestly I don't know that thats not just jumping from the pot into the fire. I just feel trapped. Trapped by work, family, finances, expectations....... Miserable. I don't want to feel this way but honestly I have no idea where to even begin!! GAH!
DH was out of work for almost 9months , my car broke down about the same time and has yet to be fixed, trying to keep our one working vehicle, which will be paid off in like 8 months from getting repossesed, which between the pymt and the insurance is more than we pay in rent! Being a one car household sucks. I've never not had my own car since I was 16! I am too independant for this! Not being able to go and do when I want to has been super hard. With finances being what they are the fruit and vegatable isle in the store has been limited to potatoes and carrots as staples. No fruits or other vegatables because they are just too expensive for what they are. Beans, rice, potatoes, flour, staple stuff. GAH!!! Thankfully DH got a new job last week but who knows how long it will take to dig out of this hole.
I know I'm bouncing around alot here, theres just so much I want to say! I know I'm a emotional eater and with all the turmoil in my life its been easy to just eat mindlessly. I just want to be healthy, love myself, love my life, financial ease... Is that too much to ask for!!! Well I guess I'll save the rest of my rants... or kudos, for another time. I'm gonna go read my some message boards and get outta this funk!