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A Few Funny Quotes for Your Wednesday

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Someone sent me these. I thought I'd share them. Have a great day!!!
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..'
- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..
- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
- Joe Namath

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
- W. C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal


Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SILLYHP1953 2/13/2011 9:54PM

    I loved them!!

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 2/11/2011 10:18AM


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MELTING2SVELTE 2/10/2011 2:38PM

    Thanks for the laugh!

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BUTEAFULL 2/9/2011 7:51PM

    loving it emoticon

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MILLISMA 2/9/2011 2:06PM

    emoticon thanks for the smile

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SHAWFAN 2/9/2011 1:00PM

    LOL Thanks for the smile! It sure brightened my day!

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PEACEFULONE 2/9/2011 12:51PM


These are delightful!

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NDORRIS 2/9/2011 12:10PM

    emoticon Cute

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NUGGETTEMOM 2/9/2011 10:45AM

    LOL! Thanks! those were good!

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JESS0107 2/9/2011 10:33AM

    emoticon These are too funny

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CJROARK 2/9/2011 10:30AM

    lol, thank you for making my day! emoticon

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MARGARITTM 2/9/2011 10:08AM

    Too funny thanks for the smile!

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TWOTIMESS 2/9/2011 9:06AM

Thanks! I got some great cackles out of these!

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ESMERELDA1220 2/9/2011 8:57AM

    Love it...I always love a laugh to start my day! emoticon

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MYBULLDOGS 2/9/2011 8:37AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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