Sunday, February 06, 2011
I went out with friends today, and I got a lot of compliments about my weight loss and how I am doing. I am still feeling inadequate though, like I am still not beautiful or pretty enough and that I don't have what guys are looking for or what society considers beauty. People today are so influenced by society that its hard to resist the feeling of being not good enough. Even with my spirtual relationship and my closeness with GOD it's not enough to help me get confidence. I guess I mainly jealous of "thick" girls because they get the attention of men period. Regardless of ethnicity, nobody wants the fat girl and nobody wants the skinny girl with no shape.... I am not giving up on my diet goals but I just wish I knew what to do about this self-esteem issue.
People are sick of me talking about it. I am sick of talking about it, but some days I feel like I am nothing compared to what is out there. I know every girl has her issue, and I am special for a reason. However I would like to feel wanted or at least admired. I feel like I fall into the background so much and I am washed out by all the other girls who are media look a likes. A lot of the times I feel like crying because I start thinking about how I am not like other girls, and even though I shouldn't compare myself to anybody its hard to accept myself sometime.... I just wish I could love myself for who I am.