Our week 5 challenge was to find an old picture that you feel confident in. What makes you proud about what you look like? What can you do to bring that feeling through the rest of your journey?
Well here goes....this is not the first picture that popped into my mind when I read this challenge, but the picture I wanted could not be found even after 3 days of searching. So this is the next most confident time in my life.
This is my Wedding day. What makes me feel confident? Well, this is not my smallest size. When my first child from my previous marriage was about 1 years old I decided to lose the extra weight, I worked hard and got down to 125 lbs (I try to remind myself that I was only 22 at the time).
In this picture I think I weighed about 143 lbs. I remember wanting to lose some more weight. I was mad at myself for gaining back what I worked so hard for and I have always hated my arms, I was being very brave to wear a strapless dress. My mother was super critical of the dress (because it was strapless she was sure people would judge her). She was also very angry that I had one of the girls at my salon style my hair, I could not understand her anger with me. She kept telling me that since it was my second marriage nobody would come. I remember being so hurt by her words and actions but nothing seemed to stop me from having the day I felt I deserved.
So what makes me confident about this picture? When I look at it I do not see a fat girl! I see me, a girl that was In Love and happy to have a second chance at a marriage that I knew I could make work. I see a girl who was In Love with someone who truly loved her back! I see a girl who if only for a minute was living in the moment and NOT consumed with her weight and the rest of the worlds judgements. I see a girl who was happy with her life, herself and what the future held (regardless of her weight). Most importantly I see ME! I see me without all of the expectations I hold myself to. I see ME without my struggles and the mistakes I have made in the past. I see me without my distorted thought process that tells me being SKINNY is the only thing that proves my Self Worth. I see a girl that enjoys her life...better yet, LOVES her life.
How do I bring these feelings with me on my journey now? By remembering what I have created, and all of the things I find joy in....the blessings I have been given....
the times God has reminded me that I matter, and I am worth it....
for 2nd chances...
Thank you Spark, Thank You PUSH team, Thank you Slim Possibles for reminding me what is important!!!
Life is much more than your size!
Be thankful for who you are and what you have become...we are all Beautiful!! Never forget that!!!
P.S. I Apologize that some of my pictures are sideways but they were scanned a while back and I did not have time to edit them (I needed to make my challenge points before the deadline, heehee).