Thursday, February 03, 2011
I have been doing so well. I mean really well. Then, of course, Murphy has to show up with his law that things must go wrong at the most horrific time. So I admit, I was a little stressed out. There has been some drama in the nieghborhood and as a result I lost two friends.
So I went to the store this morning and got chocolate cake and ate it. Half a cake by myself. Still feeling horrible and like a complete failure, I visited Carl's Junior, where I enhaled a burger and fries. I have very good reasons for all of this. I have a whole list of people and situations to blame for this lapse in judgement.
I would have never over eaten if it wasn't for:
1. Two of my nieghbors being total jerks and making me feel bad
2. The landlord making me move while my husband is deployed (renovating the house)
3. My kids weren't driving me crazy with constant projects and sports and running around
4. The dog always getting out and running around the neighborhood
5. Carl's Jr. for having a great tasting burger
6. My truck's driver side window for picking today to actually work and roll down so I could order my burger.
7. Safeway for having this chocolate cake on sale (ok, would have bought it anyway but still)
8. My husband for being deployed and making me feel like I LIVE THIS LIFE ALONE!
Okay, now having stated all that I know that it is ridiculous to blame anyone but ME. I know this because I am not a victim. If I am in victim status, then I have given away all my power. Thus, I have no power in which to make changes. I need to make changes so therefore I can not be a victim. I AM TO BLAME FOR OVEREATING! I am responsibile for Am not being able to handle rejection or confrontation without fixing it with food. I, AM, need to find a way to handle stress without turning to the one thing that will actually make it worse in the end.
Food is not my friend, it is for me to survive on.
Food will not comfort me, it will make me sick
Food will not make it better, abusing it will only make it worse
So I could sit here and say, "Bad Am, bad bad girl" but it won't make me feel any better. I did my run tonight and did a great job. All I can do is start over again tomorrow. Meditate, pray, warm green tea in the morning and start all over. Good nite!