Wednesday, February 02, 2011
So I was thinking this morning that it's been quite a while since I've blogged my thoughts... and I guess I need to because I've really faltered on my weight loss.
Things have been a bit stressful lately, and I'm PMS'ing which means I'm eating more than I should and my weight loss has stalled yet again.
Part of it is that I'm working so many more hours at this new job. I work 10 to 11 hours a day and by the time I get off work I'm tired, I want to spend time with the baby, and veg.
I love the job, I really do (I support 5 or so people and it's very rewarding albeit demanding), and think I could do this for a long time, but it's draining on the other aspects of my life. I haven't exercised nearly as much as I was because sometimes I feel like I NEED to be in the office at lunch rather than exercising.
I feel guilty for not spending more time with the baby. She seems content with the time we spend together, but I feel horribly guilty for not being with her more. When I get out of work at 6 or 6:30, I have to stop by the store and pick up food (I used to weekly shop but quit doing that when more and more food had to be thrown away) and by the time I get home it can be as late as 7:15. Then I have to make dinner and eat while juggling time with my girls. Heather is very demanding when I first get home so sometimes dinner is not until 9:00 because it's impossible to cook while holding a baby. So too many dinners lately have been junk or fast food or eating out. And by the time Heather is ready for sleep, I'm exhausted and am falling asleep with her.
Last week and this past weekend were so busy that I didn't have time to log in to my class work until Sunday morning. I immediately found out that I had a paper due Sunday night on top of all of my other class work! So I requested an extension and was granted a small extention - it's due tonight. It's only 3 to 4 pages but it requires a lot of focused attention and I was supposed to work hard on it last night but I worked until after 6 and then had to run to the store. My husband was supposed to watch the baby at a volunteer meeting he had to attend so I could focus on my paper but he called me because he couldn't concentrate with her there (then he couldn't understand why I was so upset). So I cut the shopping trip short and went to the library to pick her up (dinner ended up being Wendy's -- half spicy chicken salad, baked potato and small chili) - Jennifer and I took her to the kids section to work off some energy - took her home and had to focus all of my attention on her.
Oh, and did I mention that I haven't even touched laundry in almost 2 weeks? So I had to run a load of that last night too.
Sometimes I just feel like I have to do everything and it is exhausting. I do not like asking my oldest daughter to help out because she has her own things going on too but I may need to rely on her more. When it's just me and her and the baby at the house I don't mind asking and she's super willing to help. But I feel like when my husband is there, he should be picking up the extra slack and he doesn't which has caused some tension between us.
Several people have said they admire everything I have taken on to accomplish and think I am a strong person but this can't go on forever. PMS nearly takes me over the edge and definitely causes me to eat too much.
So my plan for today is:
Exercise at lunch
Leave work at 5:00 so I can finish that paper
Do another load of laundry
Hubby will HAVE to do his share tonight.