It's been a while
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
So I was thinking this morning that it's been quite a while since I've blogged my thoughts... and I guess I need to because I've really faltered on my weight loss.
Things have been a bit stressful lately, and I'm PMS'ing which means I'm eating more than I should and my weight loss has stalled yet again.
Part of it is that I'm working so many more hours at this new job. I work 10 to 11 hours a day and by the time I get off work I'm tired, I want to spend time with the baby, and veg.
I love the job, I really do (I support 5 or so people and it's very rewarding albeit demanding), and think I could do this for a long time, but it's draining on the other aspects of my life. I haven't exercised nearly as much as I was because sometimes I feel like I NEED to be in the office at lunch rather than exercising.
I feel guilty for not spending more time with the baby. She seems content with the time we spend together, but I feel horribly guilty for not being with her more. When I get out of work at 6 or 6:30, I have to stop by the store and pick up food (I used to weekly shop but quit doing that when more and more food had to be thrown away) and by the time I get home it can be as late as 7:15. Then I have to make dinner and eat while juggling time with my girls. Heather is very demanding when I first get home so sometimes dinner is not until 9:00 because it's impossible to cook while holding a baby. So too many dinners lately have been junk or fast food or eating out. And by the time Heather is ready for sleep, I'm exhausted and am falling asleep with her.
Last week and this past weekend were so busy that I didn't have time to log in to my class work until Sunday morning. I immediately found out that I had a paper due Sunday night on top of all of my other class work! So I requested an extension and was granted a small extention - it's due tonight. It's only 3 to 4 pages but it requires a lot of focused attention and I was supposed to work hard on it last night but I worked until after 6 and then had to run to the store. My husband was supposed to watch the baby at a volunteer meeting he had to attend so I could focus on my paper but he called me because he couldn't concentrate with her there (then he couldn't understand why I was so upset). So I cut the shopping trip short and went to the library to pick her up (dinner ended up being Wendy's -- half spicy chicken salad, baked potato and small chili) - Jennifer and I took her to the kids section to work off some energy - took her home and had to focus all of my attention on her.
Oh, and did I mention that I haven't even touched laundry in almost 2 weeks? So I had to run a load of that last night too.
Sometimes I just feel like I have to do everything and it is exhausting. I do not like asking my oldest daughter to help out because she has her own things going on too but I may need to rely on her more. When it's just me and her and the baby at the house I don't mind asking and she's super willing to help. But I feel like when my husband is there, he should be picking up the extra slack and he doesn't which has caused some tension between us.
Several people have said they admire everything I have taken on to accomplish and think I am a strong person but this can't go on forever. PMS nearly takes me over the edge and definitely causes me to eat too much.
So my plan for today is:
Exercise at lunch
Leave work at 5:00 so I can finish that paper
Do another load of laundry
Hubby will HAVE to do his share tonight.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
(((hugs))) I know how hard it is to do everything on your own. Please make time to workout during work...you need it and deserve that time to yourself. I love working out, I read while I do it so it's relaxing and makes me feel better about myself.
2210 days ago
Great to see you blogging... sorry that you are stressed out! I hear you. And you should know that most husbands forget to help out. Not that it makes it easier, but at least you know you aren't alone. I do hope that you and he can come to an understanding of how to help each other!
I'm sending love, and some calm energy your way. I hope that you can get your paper done and maybe enjoy a little time with the baby. I know this may sound stupid, as I don't have children, but there are exercises you can do while holding a baby... which would give her some attention that she needs, while giving you some much needed endorphins. I wish you luck!
2211 days ago
I'm so sorry you aren't getting the support that a husband should be giving.
Tell Jen she's being awesome for stepping up to help!
Hope you get that paper done!
2212 days ago
Kathy, I'm so sorry that it's been rough going for you. Is it possible for you to do some baby-wearing while you get things done? Also, have you thought of preparing meals ahead, like on the weekends? Or throwing some stuff into the crockpot so it's ready when you get home? I hope it gets easier, friend.
2212 days ago
I've been there too Kathy, but this to shall pass! God will give you the strength to get through it all. I learned that over time you have to remember that you can't do it all, but you can do the best you have to give. I never really got my husband to help with the cooking and cleaning, but near the end he learned how just vacuuming the floor could make a world of difference for me.
Don't feel guilty when you have to use fast food or easy meals. You can make good choices that are healthy for now. The baby will get less demanding and for goodness sake no matter, what exercise at lunch. It will relieve your stress. I agree with Shinako, New job? Yay!!! You are doing wonderful. Lower your expectations and ask your daughter to help when she can.
2212 days ago
Oh, Kathy, I'm so sorry thing have been so stressful with this new job. It does sound like you and your hubby need to re-think your division of labour. This is a huge source of conflict in a lot of households, mine included. We actually tried this exercise:
It went a long way to relieving tension in the household and now our division of labour is much more balanced. I rarely feel the anger & frustration I used to feel. Admittedly, I am only working part-time right now so who knows how things will change if/when I ever go back to work full-time. We might need to revisit this exercise at that point in time.
Still, I think one of the key points in the article is sometimes couples do things for each other simply because they love each other. If your hubby loves you and is committed to creating a happy household, he will find a way to make this work for both of you. Good luck -- you'll be in my thoughts.
2212 days ago
I'm so sorry to hear that there's a lot of stress going on in your life right now.
Let me turn some of that around: Yay! New job! Do tell more! I'm so glad you're finding you like it.
I've been working 9 hour days, with a 30 minute commute (and sometimes extra depending on traffic, extra stops, etc. too.) so I can definitely relate to being tired and just wanting to veg when you get home. Especially with Heather needing you so much. In time things will fall into a place where it'll be easier. Just need to slog through the brambles to find it.
You can do it!
2212 days ago
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