Tuesday, February 01, 2011
I have had a few days off... - and have spent SOOOOO much time on Sparks, as odd as it may seem, it sorta made me loose FOCUS. AND it's been like a SWIRL - and... for me, swirls.. pretty close to STRESS... ohhh.. don't do well with stress (as in EAT - no good :) )
As mentioned in my intro, i'm not that bad losing (i can always learn - but i'd say,for me, it's pretty much exercise and eating well - hmmm.. am i on to something?!? :)
My main 'obstacles':
- starting again (it's like battling against inertia - of COURSE it's easier to eat non stop and not move: it is HAPPIER?!? - HA! i need to write that on a card!
- ONCE A TARGET OR NEAR TARGET: ************** dealing with COMMENTS!!!!!!! ***** (are you eating, etc, etc, etc; i've read 2 AMAZING blogs on that subject (& i'm sure there are many more!): one by Fit-Whit, one by Leslies537 - i'm sooo happy about that - for ONCE i think i'll be more equipped and will FINALLY learn to DEAL with it (HELLO - ***WITHOUT** destroying me!!)
MY RECENT PRE-SPARKS HISTORY
- Dropped 20 lbs from July to December 20th 2010
- DECEMBER 20th: MAN, PARTY, comments.... (does she eat, does she have a worm, etc, etc, etc - i was so ill prepared and hurt - i ATE; i'll SHOW them i eat (i was eating, but well, NOT after that party)
Conclusion??! Pretty much eat-eat-eat since - 15 lbs gained from December 20th to now
MY INITIAL SPARK GOALS
When i 1st joined, i thought: i'll go back to the December 20th weight and THEN start counting the weight loss.
But that's pretty much like punishing me - and i've punished myself enough. It's been 1 month + since Dec 20th, so that weight is pretty much part of me now... so....
MY NOW SPARK GOALS
Step 1: lose 20 lbs (which really shows on me - my thighs are so-so grateful and more dream me with 20 lbs less)
step 2: lose another 10-20 lbs more (that's like the finishing touch - to my not perfect but pretty close to my best me, according to ME :)
STEP 3: MAINTAIN!!!!!!!!!!! And THAT'S my biggest challenge!!!!! - all the comments slidding on my back.. THAT is when i'll MOST need Spark i think - no, i KNOW
Meanwhile.. i'll chill a bit. It's ****OK*** if i don't spin a wheel every day. That's not what my journey is about.
MY JOURNEY.. (and hopefully DESTINATION :)
- to be soooooooooooo comfortable in my body - no shame. Fit, toned, vibrant, alive, healthy
- to be HAPPY - 90% of the time (the other 10% is to fully enjoy that 90%)
- to be an OPTIMIST - or to discover myself as such (the perception of those who know me well is that i am; MY perception of myself is sooo not that (but then again, i had a twisted past - so... that's part of the journey - seeing myself as i AM - not as others lead me to believe (ok, parents - surely non-intentionally - so non-intention, should NOT make me suffer now them - thus adjusting my self perceptions, to suit me, happy self-loving me :)
- CONTRIBUTE!!! - to make the world better, to share what i learn, to help other, to soothe others, contribute to THEIR growths.. who in turn can contribute... - and make.. the world better :)