Monday, January 31, 2011
This whole past year has been an exercise in frustration and I am really seriously considering how these high levels of prolonged stress are affecting me physically. I was doin well, seemed to be slowly losing weight and getting in better shape, then everything seemed to stall and stay there - right along side all the bs going on in my life.
The past year or more has felt like every move I make to improve my life, improve myself, has been met with so many road blocks they are more like mountains. My job search that continually yielded no results, the move to the middle of nowhere with no work no friends no life, the bs in my relationship finally coming to such a level of incredible hurt, that I was forced to leave it and start completely over - with nothing but what little I owned, a dumb dog, and a silly cat. And the insane struggle to try and keep a roof over my head with a grossly inadequate income.
Something's gotta give dammit. Bout the only positive in this past year has been that I have indeed dropped a few pounds - but not in a good way. The pounds have come off from simply not eating (can't eat when I'm mega stressed or when there simply is no food). This is not a good way to lose weight and I know it - all I'm losing is lean muscle mass, I'm sure, as my body tries to get it's protein needs met at all costs.
I'm beyond frustrated with life in general - I'm so unmotivated to do anything, that the idea of getting my butt up and working out seems ludicrous - and I'm thoroughly depressed.
I need a Do-Over button... one that, when pressed, let's me go back and make wiser choices, so my life doesn't end up where it is... on the cusp of disintegrating, leaving me totally lost...