Thursday, January 27, 2011
Todays PSA courtesy of a friend I was chatting with today who recently went through this as well a myself.
1 in 4 women will have a miscarriage, so even if you don't know someone now, you will at some point. Most do not know for long, if at all before the miscarriage they were even pregnant and 98% of them happen because nature deems it that way, not due to any fault of the woman (ie genetic issues, tubal pregnancy, and other issues out of womans control). The other 2% is normally some sort of trauma (car crash, abuse etc...). Treat them as you would a friend who has lost a child. Not only did they lose a child, but there is no body to bury or way to say goodbye to make closure. They were never able to hold the child, and in most cases never even knew the sex of the child. They will forever wonder "what if". The hormones take months, not weeks to rebound back to normal. They are 3 times as likely to suffer postpartum depression. Be there as the friend you are to support them. Here are some helpful suggestions. If you don't know what to say, just say that you don't know what to say and are here for them.
The following is a list of items that will only make them feel worse, not better.
1. Do NOT tell them it is "for the best" or to "thank their lucky stars" or any such thing. They are NOT grateful to be going through this.
2. Do not point out how much they drank and/or smoked during the critical first few weeks/months.
3. Do NOT point out they were not ready/in stable relationship or that is may not have been planned.
4. Do NOT tell them their SO/baby daddy is acting rudely. They baby daddy is hurting as well. If needed, do so once, and with respect to what is going on. Also, they do not control said persons actions, so if possible speak to the baby daddy.
5. Do NOT tell them they need to start using protection, especially if you don't know if they were or not. Birth control when used perfectly is only 99% effective. This means 1% end in unplanned pregnancy