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    ~JILL~   6,751
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Where oh where???

Thursday, January 27, 2011

A lot has happened since I have been gone. Grab some water and sit down, you will be here for a while. :)

First of all I found out I was expecting in February my due date was 10/10/10 (my sister-in-laws wedding date!!!!). YAY! We waited and waited to find out what I was having but the time seemed to go so slow. At 22 weeks I found out that I would be having a GIRL!!! I was so excited. However, I started to really have some issues health wise. I was getting headaches everyday and I felt like I couldn't see very well. I brought it up to my doctor who told me that eyes change during pregnancy but if I was really concerned to get my eyes checked just in case. I kind of put it off for another week until I was almost unable to see at all during parts of the day. I made my appointment for the eye doctor and was told they saw something but wanted me to see the specialist. I went to the specialist the following day to find out I had a pseudo tumor cerebri aka"false brain tumor". I was told to go straight to the ER to have a MRI done. I did what they said and spent the night in the er wondering what was going to happen. I was scared for myself and my baby. I had an MRI and was told I had too much fluid around my brain and that's what was causing my vision loss. They called in a specialist around 2:30 am to relieve some of the pressure via a spinal tap. He came in and drained the extra fluid (oh it hurt so bad) they then sent me to recovery and I was later told I would be fine as long as I took a water pill. They sent a specialist from the baby center and checked on our little girl and told me she was perfect and I had nothing to worry about. :) That was enough drama for me!

Then the summer passed but with a lot of tension at work. Everyone seemed to be on edge because we were losing so many staff members due to lack of funding and just turn around. I was told just after my birthday that I may not have a job because the school district was thinking about not partnering with us again as they were going to hire in district to have all their TitleX and Migrant work done as they thought they could do it for less than they were paying us, but it was still up in the air. Besides we had just moved into our nice new offices and I loved my office mate and desk!

In early August I was informed that my job no longer would be at Goals and that I would only have until the end of August and then I would need to move on or work in a different area of the program for less money and I wouldn't be able to bring my kids like I did then. I couldn't afford to pay for daycare nor did I want anyone watching my newborn baby so after many tears I decided to tell them thank you for the many years but I would have to leave. In the end I'm glad I left as they had to close their doors just before Christmas. I pray that everything works out for the best for all of them but right now I'm thankful for being given notice and not just having a ball dropped on me at the holidays.

I enjoyed my last few days at work but have to be honest found it hard to work when I wasn't going to be there any longer. I made sure to clean up my files on my desk top, wrote emails to those who I knew would be taking over tasks that I once loved like the Christmas drive, Back to school drive, Can food drive and many others. I made sure contacts where highlighted and addresses were current. I didn't want to leave the organization in shambles as one day I may return but if not it's not fair to them to leave it a mess, right? My last day I was taken out to lunch and shared a few good laughs about my first year there druing our Christmas drive when I made an announcement that I needed a "wrapper" and Maria came over to me rapping like a hip hop artist. And how I made Jake stand in the corner until I needed him because he was in the way. I didn't think these were funny times then but now they are something that I can look back on and smile and even laugh at....well a little. They sent me on my way with parting gifts and promises to keep in touch -- this I know is true as they were my friends before I worked there.

A week later I was struggling with knowing what to do with myself. I went to my baby shower thrown by my bestie Tara and had a wonderful group of 25 or so ladies there to celebrate with me. It was a wonderful time and little girl clothes are oh so cute!!!!

While at home all the time I found little things to keep me busy, my 3 year old son, Sully, cleaning, washing new clothes, cleaning, telling my hubby what to do, cleaning. :) September 20th, our 1 year wedding anniversary (8 years together) came and we stayed home as a family and hung out. We didn't have much money to do much since I had just lost my job but that wasn't the important part. Just being home with the family was good. Nick was on vacation from work (we had planned to go to Vegas that week before we found out we were going to be having a baby) so he had already had his vacation set and scheduled. Since he was home I had him help me with things like taking apart things in the house to clean them and put them back together. Let me tell you he LOVED it......hahahaha! On the day of September 22nd I asked Nick to help me with the bathroom. I really wanted to scrub it down. So I spent most of my day cleaning it and washing the curtains and towels, bath stuff. Anything that could be washed, was. That night we put it back together and decided on dinner and a movie to watch. We don't normally eat in the living room but we had rented a special movie for Sully and thought it would be okay. About a quarter of the way through the movie Sully asked for some more milk. Since I was thirsty myself I decided to get it. I walked into the kitchen and got his milk and then gave it to him. I was just about ready to walk out and sit down when I thought I would ask Nick if he wanted anything. He told me no and I went to turn around and felt a HUGE gush of water! Like when Sully was born I thought I had peed and didn't want to say anything to Nick so I walked to the bathroom wondering how I could do that. I knew it had to be my water and asked Nick to get me some new pants, however every time I stood up it just kept coming, so I told him what was going on and I stayed in the bathroom while he got everything together and ready. I called Nick's sister to see if she could watch our son but no answer. I called my friend, but no answer. I was getting frustrated and I thought I would call my dad. I called my dad who was at a board meeting but left right away and actually beat us to the hospital. I thought they would tell me that it was false even though my water broke, I was 3 weeks early she couldn't be coming now! Turns out I was wrong and I would be having her at someone point in the next few hours! So my dad left with Sully and we settled in.

While there I saw several staff members! I saw a doctor who was great and told me he would do everything to help me have her natural (with drugs as I'm not brave enough without, sorry) so I didn't have to have another c-section. He said to take my time as I wasn't very far into it but hey everyone is different. Even though I had pre-e (again) and HELLP he didn't seem too worried since I was under their care. However, his shift changed and we got new staff...pushy staff. The next doctor was a man and kept telling me that his shift was only so long so if I had not had her by a certain time he would do a c-section. I tried to fight back but every time I talked to him I started to cry. This was not going to be an easy conversation and I couldn't put what I felt into words without breaking down. I would have loved to have my mom there but given I wasn't due for another 3 weeks she was on her yearly trip in Vegas! So I texted my sister and told her I was frustrated about everyone pushing for a c-section when there was no reason for it yet. She offered to come up and be my voice. I totally took her up on it and was so glad that she came when she did. She got there just as I was getting pain meds but I had not progressed much at all. They couldn't give me anything because I had already had a c-section and it was too dangerous for me and the baby so I would have to wait it out. And wait we did do. That doctor was off duty and on came another one, Dr. Nazareth. Dr. Nazareth was nice but firm. She laid it out for me and said, I need to figure out what I want because I had already been in labor for around 30 hours. I asked if I could have my pain meds turned off so I could walk. She told me she would check with the anesthesiologist and they would get back to me. About 30 mins later the anesthesiologist who looked like Jesus came in with Dr. Nazareth and a nurse named Madonna to tell me yes, I could have it turned off to walk the halls. As we were walking Nick tells me if we happen to meet the Pope along the way here I think we are in good hands! We aren't very religious people by any means but it did help lighten the mood and help us think that maybe we were in better hands than we thought. lol

Back in the room I was getting stronger and more frequent contractions but I was only at 9cm and it had now been 39 hours of labor! Dr. Nazareth came in and told me I would have to have a c-section. This just broke my heart as I have done everything and why rush it when I'm getting there just on my own time? My sister (my voice) asked me what I wanted and I told her through tears that I wanted to wait. The Dr. came back with I needed to have it for the baby and for me and for a million other reasons. We went back and forth a couple of times when my sister asked if I could have an hour with nobody but my husband, her and the nurse that had to be there (now Kathy) because of my prior c-section to just relax and let my body do what it needs to do? I think this stopped the doctor in her tracks. She thought about it and said yes. She left the room and then came back with a medical refusal form stating that I was refusing medical advice and I wouldn't hold anything against them. I was kind of pissed about this but it was better than going under the knife when I didn't need to. I signed the paper and relaxed a little. I talked to my wonderful nurse Kathy who gave me some great advice and who I loved so much. She was the best nurse ever! Turns out relaxing and not having half the staff in my room really helps! As my baby girl, Ricki Marion was born on 9/24 at 2:38 pm by successful vbac. *(*Ricki - After my dad Richard/Rick. My dad doesn't have anyone to carry on his name and I thought it was cute so Ricki it is. Marion - After Nick's grandma who passed away in March 2010. She was a very sweet lady and we wanted a name that meant something, it fits!*** She was 3 weeks early and was 9lbs even and 21 inches long! I was so happy to meet her, she was perfect! Or so I thought! They laid her on me and she cried, I loved her cry and her all around! The room settled down and I held her and feed her for the first time. She had the BIGGEST cheeks!

After her feeding they did some tests on her and found that her blood sugar was way off and she had fluid in her lungs. They rushed her to the NICU where she spend the next few days of her life. I stayed in the hospital as long as I could to be with her. I had many visits from the nursing staff with kind words and lots of hugs. They would tell me how well she was doing and such. I went as often as I could to the NICU to visit her and feed her. I was pumping as much as I could but my milk hadn't come in 100% yet so she had to have some formula. My biggest heart break was when I was sent home from the hospital and she had to stay. I think I cried most of the night. It was hard to have a baby in you for 9 months and then nothing. On September 28th I got a call from the NICU telling me that she would be able to come home! I was so excited and I couldn't wait to bring her home! Nick and I went up to the hospital to wait for her to be checked in her car seat and be released. My mom also came up to help since Nick had to leave for work before she would get out. We got to take her home and on the way home we stopped and picked up Sully from his Auntie Kristin's house.

The following month, on October 10th (Ricki's due date) I was in my sister-in-laws wedding. I was actually a back up brides maid (ask me how that feels lol). She did have a beautiful wedding but I can tell you 3 weeks postpartum you don't feel like being a brides maid. There was out of state family in town for the wedding and I have to say I was a huge jerk about them seeing Ricki. See they had all just traveled via air plane and I didn't want air plane germs all over her and her doctor said to keep everyone away that had been sick within the last 10 days since she couldn't get the flu shot and she was a late preemie. Nick's mom was not happy about this and even called me over protective. At one point she actually lied to me about her sister not being sick. Then when we saw her at the wedding she was coughing all over the place. I was so pissed that she would lie when it could really harm her granddaughter had she gotten sick!

Halloween came and Ricki was a tootsie Roll and Sully was a Pirate Skeleton. They both looked great and Sully had such a wonderful time! Thanksgiving was fun. We got together with Nick's family and my mom's side and had such a great time.

Christmas (all 4 of them lol) were great. I got to see my brother Don who I haven't seen in a few years. Ricki had a great first Christmas with lots of presents and love. Sully was so much fun this year opening presents and having a fun time! He was sooooo excited about everything he got. I love to watch him grow and learn. I love seeing Christmas through his eyes it really is magical.

On December 28th he became my 4 year old! We had an awesome party at an indoor put-putting place that was all glow in the dark/black light. He had a lot of fun and so many people came to play and have fun with him even though it was in the middle of the week. Also on the 28th my husband turned 28! Wow!

Now it's January 2011!!!! Wow - this has been one crazy year. I decided to join weight watchers online and so far I like it. It's not too bad and I have a TON of points so it's small steps but so far so good. Ricki just turned 4 months on the 24th and is doing great! She is now 13lbs 11oz and 25.25 inches. She loves to smile and coo. She LOVES her big brother and he LOVES her right back. They are super cute together.

So all in all 2010 has been a very full year but totally a year to remember. Now 2011 what will you bring us? A 1 year birthday, 2 year wedding anniversary, 5th birthday and two 29th birthdays annnnnnnd many many smiles and giggles and laughs ...........

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CATIATM 2/4/2011 3:10PM

    Congrats on baby Marion! I'm sorry the labor was so difficult, but it sounds like she is worth every minute. I'm sorry to hear about the job, but you are a resiliant, buoyant kind of person, and I think you will find a way to make this work. I am certainly rooting for you!

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