Wednesday, January 26, 2011
First I want to thank everyone for your support! I also want to say that I was so very sorry to hear that we lost a member of the SP community while I was wallowing in self pity.
Second, my DH and I are getting along much, much better. We both were frustrated and scared and a number of things.
Well, my family and I went to go see my youngest daughter and my inlaws which I love. My DH asked his mother to talk to my youngest step son about his grades and what ever other bug was up his butt. Well, he told gma that he wanted to live with his mom because he thought he could control his anger and did better in school (side note, when he came to live with us he was in 3rd grade with a beginning of the year 2nd grade reading level). So then my MIL, DH, SS, and I all talked. My DH called his ex and set up a time the next day to discuss the matter. The discussion took place, she said my ss could live with her and all that jazz. My other ss was going to stay with us. Those discussions all took place Dec 18th and 19th. She was supposed to arrive on Dec 22 to take them for her Christmas. She calls my DH on Dec 20 and tells him she can't take my ss, oh and the person who supposed to give her a ride (12hr drive) to get the boys backed out. Her Jeep Grand Cherokee that is newer than any vehicle I own was "broken", she couldn't come to get them. Could we do the drive.... NOPE! We did all the traveling for 5 years with no help (though court ordered) from her. Sorry. She could not be grown up enough to tell my youngest ss that he could NOT live with her, she left that to my DH. NICE... NOT! Oh she did not even tell that she was not coming. So, I sat there as my husband called a family meeting to discuss this. As he began to tell the youngest that his mother said she couldn't take him, I watched this self assured pain in my neck (lovingly most days... lol) crumble. For God's sake he is 11 and to him until that day his mom "walked on water". It was very painful to watch, we had to give him his space though (very hard to do). Then my DH had to tell that she was not coming at all but she would send Christmas presents.
It gets worse...
I am not sure of the date of the next happening... I think right around Christmas day or so. She calls them to "explain".... that yet AGAIN she has disappointed them. Usually my ss's talk to her for an hour or more on the phone...NOT this day. I would like to say 15 - 20 min TOPS. I was in another room and noticed my living room was TOO quiet. I went to check on the boys. Youngest looked upset but said he was fine... I didn't push. My other ss visibly upset, started to cry. I took him in the other room and we had a cry fest. He is 13, he is seeing what she is doing. I just held and comforted. I REFUSE to bash their mother anywhere near them. NOT my place to do so! They do not need to hear crap on how I feel when they hear all the crap that she says to them about thier father and myself. He proceeded to tell me he questioned his mother on why she "gave up" on them. She basically shut him down and hung up. He just let all of his frustration out, "My mom made me believe my dad was the bad guy all these years....I know now she was just filling our heads with lies." I can't really say anything, I can't agree....even if I want to. I just reasured him I will always be there for him and he can tell me anything. She proceeded to call my DH and yell at him about the phone conversation. He explained we do not talk bad about her to the kids, never have never will. She of course hung up on him.
I want my step children, and my own children to have minds of their own. I want them to feel safe to express their feelings and thoughts without fear of losing my love or my DH's love. 3 years ago I had 3 stepchildren living with me. My stepdaughter has come a long way. She use to fear having a mind of her own. Now she knows she can say whatever, in an appropriate tone, and I will love her. I am now teaching my step sons that. They are getting there.
Well today is Jan 26th and there are no Christmas presents and she has not called since the last call. We are having some issues with the oldest boy and his grades, he has 2 F's ... not like him. So we are working on that. The youngest on the other hand at semester's end had 4 F's and 1 D, he now has 2 A's, 1 D, and 2 F's, they are coming up.
I get daily hugs from the youngest now (I always have from the oldest ss) and multiple "I love yous" a day. I am not complaining. I just hate that it had to happen like that, that their mother had to hurt them AGAIN!
DISCLAIMER: As a step mother I know I am NOT their mother, but I am there to love them and help them. The things I have said may offend and if so I am sorry. I must also say that I get along really well with my ex and his gf who lives with him and MY daughter. I believe that the more people who love a child the better off they are!
Thanks for listening.... I will "blog" about Larry the Lipoma and surgery later!