Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Last night I came across some pictures of me that I hadn't remembered being taken right before I started SP. What a shock! I knew at the time I was at my heaviest weight ever, but it's weird how we don't see ourselves how we are. I remember seeing those pictures at the time and thinking "How disgusting!" but I put it right out of my mind. I didn't want to think about how heavy I was getting, and I for sure didn't want to diet because every time I did I just gained more weight back.
A few days ago I had my husband take some pictures of me with my biggest pants on to show how much weight I've lost. That was a shock to me too. It's weird how you just get used to yourself whatever weight you are. I see the scale going down, but it didn't click in my head how much weight I've lost until I tried on those pants and saw those pictures of me so heavy.
Unfortunately, it is kind of messing with my head. I'm proud of myself for making it this far. I have never lost more than 20 lbs before gaining it all back and more. Now I'm scared. What's going to happen if my depression kicks in and I gain it all back? Will I be able to stop the gain? I sure hope so. I know the one thing that has helped me more than anything else ever has is tracking my food. I've been on WW several times and tracked food then too, but it was different. They use points so that you don't have to think about calories, but for me understanding the calories has made all the difference.
I think I just needed to put this in writing and think it all out. I'm not going to let this mess up my progress. That's why I call these my "Now" photos. Someday they are going to be my "before" pictures too.