Saturday, January 22, 2011
sorry for the question marks at the end of the title but how i am feeling and the thoughts going through my head arenīt that easy to put into words especially as i am not certain hgow or why i am feeling like i am at the moment,lol.
first explinations why i have not been so active as usual on my teams,challanges ,friend feed etc.there is something wrong with our computere.it is going so,so slow ,that is when it is actually going.to click on to a thread takes about 10-15 minutes for a thread to come if it comes.and to reply can take nearly an half an hour to an hour before the caption box appears then i go to all the trouble answering post it then it comes back saying it canīt do it.start the whole proceedure again and prayer this time it works.i could and do often scream.believe you me.so now you know the reason so i am sorry in am not answering the friend feed i miss it as much as i feel awful for letting you down and not supporting you or cheering you on as the case may be.lotfi has gone to flea market today in the hope of buying a secondhand one which is all that we can afford at the moment.when not a friend of his who is good at computeres might be able to find time to look at it monday or tuesday so fingers crossed it will get sorted out shortly.
now the honesty part.the last three weeks or so i have not been so good at my eating,donīt know why ,no particular reason for it but i canīt seem to get my head round getting into healthy eating,that is why my last two blogs were about none scale victories,just to stop me going totally down the wrong path totally.i have been managing to keep up with my exercise which is great that i can do them again as that has never been my problem it is my eating,how ,what and why that has got me to the size i was and the fact that even though i have lost alot i still have a lot to go.i want to take this opurtunity to thank dee again for covering my exercise part of the last blc challange as i couldnīt do it because of my op and other injuries.i have been trying to think why my eating is getting out of control,nothing comes to mind,even as i am eating stuff i am not suppose to eat or even healthy stuff but like four times the normal person,i know i shouldnīt be eating it but i still do.WHY.that is the problem at the moment.i normally know why but this time i donīt seem too.alot of it was down to fear as my tom was late and i thought i might have been pregnant again which would have put me in a terrible dialemma i wouldnīt have want to be in.as medically because of my operations and my blood clots it could be life threatening for me,but on the other hands i donīt believe in abortions,so that was the start of it i know that but this last week i got my tom so that problem has been solved so why am i still doing this with the eating or should i say gluttony.the last three weeks the scale has been going iin the wrong direction or like last week it stayed the same.not only am i letting myself down i am letting all the other people of the teams i am on challanges with down,why:I WISHED I KNEW:AS I SAID I KNOW WHAT STARTED IT ALL BUT DONīT KNOW WHY IT HASNīT STOPPED AND GOT BACK TO NORMAL:HELP ME HERE PEOPLE:TELL ME WHY THIS MIGHT BE HAPPENINGßWHAT CAN I DO TO GET BACK ON TRACK WITH THE FOODßI REALLY NEED A LOT OF SUPPORT AT THE MOMENT ESPECIALLY WITH THE COMPUTER BEING LIKE IT IS :I HAVENīT GOT THE ACCESS TO THE ARTICLES ETC HERE FOR SOME REASON THEY ARENīT GOING:WOULD HAPPEN AT A TIME WHEN I NEED IT MOST:sorry for the capital writting,just noticed and canīt be bothered going back top wtrite itr all again.there is another thing i could of used instead of question marks in the title.CANīT BE BOTHERED.but obviously i am bothered in some way or i wouldnīt be writting this blog.all i can say is thank god for exercise.that has always been my main stay through all my life and itīs hardships.maybe this time it will pull me through again.having read this you now know how very hard it was for me when i couldnīt exercise at all.i am still not up to 100% i am about 60% of what i was before the op but hey it is better than the 0% and i know i will get back eventually to my 100% if not more lol.thanks for listening to me try to sort things out in my head.hasnīt helped much though i still have this need to binge/eat/stuff/glutony whatever you want to call it.i know it is wrong,i know it is harmful etc,but i still do it,lol.how is that for HONESTY GIRLS.thanks once again for being there for me.
for being there as always my friends.