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Saturday, January 22, 2011

I am depressed board out of work and have let all the progress that I had made go up in smoke. I signed on awhile back and even set my home page as the spark website. I just get on everyday and see if I can get it to load a different page before it fully loads. I know I have to start moving. I even wrote up a set of small goals to get me started. I even went so far as to weigh myself and see what the damage was, 20 lbs gained. The worst part is that I am having trouble breathing again. Most days I don't even leave my house. I have stopped keeping my step tracker in my pocket and I carried that for over a year. Most days I don't even think I would have reach 100 steps.

I tried to get out and do things when I first lost my job. None of my friends have any time for me. I did stuff on my own but that gets boring quick. I thought at least doing job searches would get me moving but wrong! It has been so long since I had to look for work that the way you apply for shit has completely changed. I got all dressed up got my resume made and copied on nice paper and went around and started putting it in. Nine times out of ten I was asked did you fill out an app on line? No I replied. To which I was told that I really needed to apply on line. So I don't even have to leave my house to do work searches. Doesn't really matter there either because no one is hiring and if they are I am over qualified or under qualified.

I don't fit in movie seats again, and that doesn't matter because it is so far from the car to the theatre that I don't want to do it anyways. I am out of breath and sweaty and uncomfortable. No one is available to do things with me anyways so what does it matter if I sit at home and eat myself to death?

So I am going to try this again. Even if I have nothing positive to say and just want to sit on the pity pot and whine, I am going to try to log in here daily. I am on my computer for hours every day I can spend a few moments of that here. I have to say that when I signed in I had quite a few nice messages asking where I had gone. It made me feel good to know that someone noticed. All your messages were nice and give me hope that I can start following through with one thing at least. So new goal, and only goal for now, sign in here. I haven't been able to force myself to move so maybe I can at least force myself to write. If I can start meeting one goal maybe others will follow...

Sorry to all who take the time to read this self important drivel... I am hoping to bring the positive me back... no promises on how long it is going to take... this site really does help even when you are not willing to let it. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    2588 days ago
    Omg! I got sad reading your blog, but then I looked at all the responses you got and how much your SP friends care about you & I got happy for you! Please check out NOTABOUTTHEFACE's profile, watch her v-log about her journey...I think you'll be able to relate. She lost 158 pounds last year and is taking it one day at a time. She is an inspiration. Get inspired about your journey, the road to health is often traveled solo, and it can be a long hard climb, but please take the first step, you are worth it! Start moving, slow & steady and be proud of your efforts.
    2589 days ago
    One thing at a time and when you falter, get up and try again. It's just like riding the bike. You just keep picking at it until there is progress. Have you tried some of the groups on depression or some other area you are concerned about? Maybe they have some ideas on how to get your groove back:)

    We're all here for you. Keep the faith:)
    2589 days ago
    I totally agree with everyone..take it one little step at a time. We are all here for you....use us when you need to!! You can do this!!!!! emoticon
    2589 days ago
    I agree. Small steps will get you to take the big leap.
    You don't want to move, but since you are at the computer and sitting, take a moment to sit up straight, take a few deep breaths and stretch and reach. You will find how amazing some good deep breathing will make you feel. Maybe even good enough to make you want to get up and walk around the kitchen table a few times. (That is what I did, and amazingly I started feeling a lot better physically and emotionally.)
    2589 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/22/2011 2:52:22 PM
  • TWYLA053
    When you talk to your friends on here it is not "self important drivel." That's what friends are for!!! For some reason I thought you didn't have access to a computer and you weren't able to sign on - but now that I know better..... emoticon
    2589 days ago
    One step at a time is all it takes.
    2589 days ago
  • SUSANS111
    Yeay! You're back!!!
    There's nothing wrong with baby steps to get headed in the right direction again. Even 30 seconds of moving your arms above your head or a minute of walking in place a few times a day can give you a little momentum to add another minute the next time. Have you tried any of Coach Nicole's Spark workouts? She has some nice short ones that don't require any equipment. Doing part of one would be a nice start.
    I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and am hoping that soon an employer with a position to fill sees your special skills and talents.
    Look for something to make you smile every day, no matter how small a thing.
    Hope to hear from you in your blogs again very soon. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2589 days ago
    Ohmygosh!! I am so happy to hear from you, girl!!!
    I'm so sorry things have been/are rough....But you know you got this...You know how to do this - You have done it before!!

    I will write more later...I'm on my way out the door. Do a little something good for YOU today..A little exercise, maybe walking in place like another sparker recommended...Maybe start on the drinking the water...eating better - Just pick one and do it today...You are so worth it!!! Baby steps..You can do it!!!! I'm here for you!!
    emoticon emoticon
    2589 days ago
    I am so glad you are back online. I had missed your blogs. I am also so sorry that you have become depressed and quit moving. I remember how excited you were to get that bike. Once you meet your goal to get on each day, I hope you will add a small goal to move a little extra each day. Just walk in place 5 min. every day before you get on the computer, or better yet, walk in place 5 min. 3 times a day! Start small and simple. If you don't know the different inside walk steps (to keep from being bored) look up Leslie Sansone on You Tube and watch one of hers. Your long term goal could be to walk a mile with Leslie. This is all simple, no equipment needed, done indoors during long WA winters, and easy to adapt to your needs.
    Stay with us. Work small. Talk positive to yourself. Be proud that you've gotten yourself back online with us for now. That is step one done. Congrats on that and welcome back.
    2590 days ago
  • MORETA63
    I have to say... I totally agree with the title of your blog. Today has really been one of those days. It really seems like some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. So, I let myself be lazy every once in a while. I take one day, and do my imitation of a slug. I sit on the couch and watch old movies, or play games on the computer for hours. Somehow the next day I feel just a little more ambitious, and things get done. All the best to you, and keep plugging away. What NYYCHICA said reminded me of one of the songs from"Santa Claus is Coming to Town", the Christmas TV show. "Put one foot in front of the other. And soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor. Put on foot in front of the other. And soon you'll be walking out the door!"

    Go Girl Go!!!!!
    2590 days ago
  • KAMI89
    You CAN do it! Have faith in yourself and believe in yourself again. Just remember how good you feel when some weight comes off.... and you are right.... by starting with accomplishing one goal, others are sure to follow. Hang in there!!! emoticon
    2590 days ago
    Take everything one day at a time. Make each day a focus on changing something or starting something new. If you fall, get yourself back up and keep going. Small steps leads to big changes, good luck!
    2590 days ago
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