Saturday, January 22, 2011
I am depressed board out of work and have let all the progress that I had made go up in smoke. I signed on awhile back and even set my home page as the spark website. I just get on everyday and see if I can get it to load a different page before it fully loads. I know I have to start moving. I even wrote up a set of small goals to get me started. I even went so far as to weigh myself and see what the damage was, 20 lbs gained. The worst part is that I am having trouble breathing again. Most days I don't even leave my house. I have stopped keeping my step tracker in my pocket and I carried that for over a year. Most days I don't even think I would have reach 100 steps.
I tried to get out and do things when I first lost my job. None of my friends have any time for me. I did stuff on my own but that gets boring quick. I thought at least doing job searches would get me moving but wrong! It has been so long since I had to look for work that the way you apply for shit has completely changed. I got all dressed up got my resume made and copied on nice paper and went around and started putting it in. Nine times out of ten I was asked did you fill out an app on line? No I replied. To which I was told that I really needed to apply on line. So I don't even have to leave my house to do work searches. Doesn't really matter there either because no one is hiring and if they are I am over qualified or under qualified.
I don't fit in movie seats again, and that doesn't matter because it is so far from the car to the theatre that I don't want to do it anyways. I am out of breath and sweaty and uncomfortable. No one is available to do things with me anyways so what does it matter if I sit at home and eat myself to death?
So I am going to try this again. Even if I have nothing positive to say and just want to sit on the pity pot and whine, I am going to try to log in here daily. I am on my computer for hours every day I can spend a few moments of that here. I have to say that when I signed in I had quite a few nice messages asking where I had gone. It made me feel good to know that someone noticed. All your messages were nice and give me hope that I can start following through with one thing at least. So new goal, and only goal for now, sign in here. I haven't been able to force myself to move so maybe I can at least force myself to write. If I can start meeting one goal maybe others will follow...
Sorry to all who take the time to read this self important drivel... I am hoping to bring the positive me back... no promises on how long it is going to take... this site really does help even when you are not willing to let it.