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Losing focus...I need HELP! But who will?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I watched "Biggest Loser" and I now have no feeling about that show any more. I used to cry with them and got excited as much as the contestants about losing weight. This morning, I am eating my cake(7:30 AM) and saying to myself 'whatever...'
I am having night mares about my weight and I can't focus on 'living healthy'. One time, it was long, long ago, I had a dream that I broke the scale because I weighed too much. I was so scared even though it was just a dream. I lost weight. But the weight came back. I continued gain fat and lost some and gain some. That 'some' is about 20 to 30 pounds. If that's the wt. for pregnant ladies gain, I must have several kids by now. But the reality is I don't have any kid. Never been pregnant...I am just on this weight loss/gain roller coaster. Will I ever get off this and be happy? Right now, I am losing my focus. I am eating non-stop and don't want to exercise. I just want to give up. I am not happy. I hate myself being like this. It's not that what the scale says but it shows that I can't control myself over food. That is it. I don't have 'WILL'. I feel so worthless and hopeless.

I guess I don't want to lose wt. If I do, I would do something about it, right? I had this self-talk so many times. But I'm just tired. Tired of being over weight and not happy about it. I don't want to others perceive me as someone who is not me(inside). I CAN only change the situation. I know. But it is hard.

Sorry for rambling. I need to vent.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You're just having a 'rubber meets the road' day. There will always be days on this journey to helathy and svelte - sometimes weeks - where you don't care... you're tired of it all... nothing feels inspiring. They are a lot like those days when your own kid just is not cute, and you wake up and wonder why the h3ll you are in bed with THIS guy... but it will pass. Just do the bare minimum... maybe it's stay in calorie range even if all you do is eat cake all day, or maybe it's drink water till it dribbles out your ears.. just do one thing at least that reminds you what you want and are trying to do.

    If you can manage it, come up with a plan for 'these' days... the minimum level of attention required to not derail yourself and then go and have some fun... spoil yourself in ways that don't undo our hard work to this point (I usually stay in my pajamas and read blogs will I drink coffee with real cream, and munch on a great big side dish of fresh blueberries). Just DON'T GIVE UP.

    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}
    2497 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/19/2011 9:57:47 PM
    emoticon take some time to think about you. What do you want from your life, who do you want to be. This has to come from you and not something you do to please others.

    Then draw up an action plan (by the way I am very good at giving this advice, just c*** at doing it myself!)Then go for it! You know you will always get support here!

    2498 days ago
    I've spent years of my life feeling exactly the same as you. I thought it was because I loved food so much, but it's not. It's lack of self belief in my opinion. You HAVE to believe you can do it. I know it's easy to say, but if you just look at all the success stories here... that could be you! (and me?!) If you slip up, just keep trying, don't give up. Jo x
    2498 days ago
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