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    KRISTIRAE30   13,823
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Somebody please just tell me what to do!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Ok. So I am normally a decisive person. I have to be. My husband is so darn laid back he always makes me pick, what's for dinner, what are we going to watch, what do you want to do. He just rolls with the punches and I have to decide. But this decision I CAN'T MAKE. I am so flipitty floppitty it is not even remotely funny anymore. So what is the big life altering decision I am trying to make? Should we try for a 3rd child? The last time I told my husband I wasn't sure anymore, he said, well it's up to you. WHY? Just because I carry the child doesn't mean its all up to me. Its still OUR family. Maybe I just need a shrink.

I talked to my mom over the weekend and she said everything I knew she would say. There was nothing she said that I didn't expect, but that is why I did not tell her right away. I didn't want her to change my mind, I knew she would be worried that it wasn't the right decision and you have two beautiful gifts right now, why don't you just enjoy them and not want more, SELFISH. She didn't say it, but a voice in my head has been saying it since we ultimately decided to try.

I didn't renew my birth control. That's a pretty big step toward trying. Now I am going off Depo-provera, which they say takes some serious time to get your body back to normal and get pregnant. So we were going to give it a year. So what do we do now? We have to decide before a decision is made for us. But maybe that is what I am waiting for. Here's the romantic story for the baby "Well we decided not to have anymore, but were a little late, ha ha"

I'm not going to go back over all the pros and cons, because anybody who is a parent knows what they are. And once you see the positive pregnancy test, hear the heartbeat, see the ultrasound and hold the child for the first time, all the cons disappear, because you know no matter what life throws at you, you are a survivor and you will do whatever it takes for this child to have a great life. And for all of your children to have wonderful lives. And your family to be a unit. So how do you decide? How do you tell that little soul that has been knocking at your heart that you are not meant to be its mommy?
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPUNKYDUCKY 2/11/2011 11:31PM

    Actually, it sounds to me like deep down you have already decided.

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SHELLYBEL456 1/19/2011 2:50AM

    Its such a personal story here it goes I was young when I started having kids but now my youngist is 12 woo hoo if I could I would have another but as you know I'm always sick lol so not good for me have the 4 and not yet in a place to adopt or I would my dear sister inlaw had 4 could not have another so she adopted 2 then fostered 3 nine kids she is amazing well just after she got her 3 babys and adopted them too 1,2,4 she found out she's pregnant and I'm so happy for her she is one amazing mom wish I had her patients and dicipline I'm at a point if we could adopt an older child or foster I would my sisterinlaw is going to have 10 kids under 13 and all of which are very well adjusted kids who love there life if u can afford them I say why not they are the joy of are world it is a hard decision but wish I would have 10 years ago but that's when my ms had different plans so look in your heart you know the answer is there waiting for you to hear it you are an amazing woman and you can do it if that's what your heart decides

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SHELLYBEL456 1/19/2011 2:50AM

    Its such a personal story here it goes I was young when I started having kids but now my youngist is 12 woo hoo if I could I would have another but as you know I'm always sick lol so not good for me have the 4 and not yet in a place to adopt or I would my dear sister inlaw had 4 could not have another so she adopted 2 then fostered 3 nine kids she is amazing well just after she got her 3 babys and adopted them too 1,2,4 she found out she's pregnant and I'm so happy for her she is one amazing mom wish I had her patients and dicipline I'm at a point if we could adopt an older child or foster I would my sisterinlaw is going to have 10 kids under 13 and all of which are very well adjusted kids who love there life if u can afford them I say why not they are the joy of are world it is a hard decision but wish I would have 10 years ago but that's when my ms had different plans so look in your heart you know the answer is there waiting for you to hear it you are an amazing woman and you can do it if that's what your heart decides

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MOMOMMA622 1/18/2011 9:31PM

    How crazy.i ahve been kind of in the same boat. Waiting for the "right time' for baby number 3, wondring if I want to restart the sleepless nights, dragging the diaper bag while my youngest is 3 and just potty training. What about money? well the rational is, there is never enough money. You just make it work. We always talked about 3.....so I want to take the girls to Disney in October, be ahealthy weight, and then try for number 3 and see what happens. Good luck!

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LYONESS04 1/18/2011 6:26PM

    That is a very hard decision. We had decided that 2 was enough. Then when my youngest was almost 4 we changed our minds, after much prayer and consideration. I now have a 3rd child and wouldn't take it back for a second. It is harder, the kids now outnumber the adults, we don't fit in a normal sized car with the 3 car seats.

I hope you can make a decision and know that it is the right one before it is made for you. Good luck.

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CECE0330 1/18/2011 5:54PM

    Hmmm. That IS tough. I always imagined myself with 3 kids, but after 18 months of infertility with try #1, buying a house before #2, and my DH STILL not having a full time job after graduating with his BA, well, it WAS decided for me that due to my age (37 in 10 more days) and my financial status, 2 is going to be it. Some days I am PERFECTLY Ok with that (especially when the girls are giving me a run for the money. They're 7 and almost 4) but there are other days that I am sad about it. I mean, my girls keep me busy enough right now so I don't have much time to think about it in addition to working & working out & managing a household, but I think about the future, and the Christmases & Thanksgivings 20 years down the road. Coming from a family of 4 kids, and marrying a man with 4 kids in HIS family, well, our future family gatherings just feel like they will be so small & sad.

But that being said, I have worked hard to make sure my girls are close to their cousins, so I kind of feel like that fills the gap (whereas I wouldn't know any of my cousins if I passed them in the street.) a little.

Only you can know for sure. The sucky thing is that as women, we only have a certain window of opportunity.

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JAMGIRL8 1/18/2011 4:21PM

    Oh gosh, you are in a tough spot, my decision to not have any more children was made for me through a disasterous c-section. That being said, just because you can have more, does that mean that you should? Or, why the heck not? If you can afford another child and be able to give them all that you wish for them, why not?

I don't believe it is a selfish decision either way, how can having another child be selfish, I don't get that?

Anyway, through your own soul searching and prayer can you decide what to do. Best wishes to you and your family

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