Monday, January 17, 2011
I feel the need to spill my guts, so here it goes. As you can see, I haven't posted a blog since OCT. I also quit tracking nutrition, fitness and all other things health related. It all started back in March when I started having pain in my upper back. It took till June to figure it out it was my lap-band. They took out all the fluid, the pain stopped but the eating began. Since June of '10, I have gained 49 lbs back of the 110 lbs I had lost. It's ok to cry now, God knows I have!!! My stomach slipped back in to place. I have 2.8 cc's of fluid in my 4 cc band, but continued to gain weight. Why, you ask? Because I didn't start exercising regularly and I wasn't tracking my food intake. When I had fluid in my band before, I couldn't eat any starchy food at all, so it was easier to keep the calorie count down. That is not the case this time. I am eating smaller portions, but I can eat anything....pizza, pasta, bread, donuts etc. So it all goes back to choosing a healthy lifestyle and sticking to it, as if I hadn't had the surgery at all! In Dec. '09 we lost my mother in law to cancer, 9 months later we lost my father in law to Alzheimer's. It was the saddest, most emotional year I've had since embarking on my weight loss journey. I did not handle it well. I began emotional eating and have not been able to control it since. To add insult to injury, I lost my job, moved to a new state and have not found another job (or even been granted an interview) since November. I am a 50 year old, obese woman looking for a job in a recession market. Talk about depressing! It feels like mission impossible, but it has sparked me into action....
I am back on Sparkpeople. I am tracking my nutrition and fitness goals again. I am trying to be a good sparkfriend to those people awesome enough to friend me. I am posting, reading and now blogging again. I received a 6 week gym membership (for free) from my Dad. I've been twice in the last 3 days and feel much better about myself in general (other than a brief emotional setback yesterday...thank you hormones) and I am heading back to the gym today. I had weight loss surgery in June of '07. My weight then was 310 lbs. My goal was to get to 140 lbs...the lowest I've weighed since surgery was 200. I am back up to 249 and have come to the realization that the lap-band has done all it can do for me. I was 170 lbs over weight. The average sustained weight loss for a surgical patient is 40 to 60% of the excess weight. 40% of my excess weight is 68 lbs., the remaining 102 lbs is going to be up to me. It's a very scary thought for me because I am an emotional eater and menopausal which has brought on a whole range of emotional ups and downs. I know exercise and eating healthier will help me through the change, but sometimes the mood gets the better of me. So for now, I am back and doing what I know works and trying like hell to avoid doing the things I know wont help me be the person I want to be!
Thanks to those who took the time to read my whole blog. Your time is a great gift and I really do appreciate it!