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January 17, 2011

Monday, January 17, 2011

h, a long weekend. This is just what I needed. Sadly, I still have a bunch to accomplish today, but at least it's a little break.

I noticed the other day that my ab muscles have reappeared. I knew they were in there somewhere hidden underneath the layer of fat that I built on top of them. My abs have always been my favorite thing. My stomach is flat and you can my abs are defined. Do I have a six-pack? No. Do I want one? No, I think that looks gross on women. But, I'm 100% comfortable wearing a bikini top, because I know my upper body looks fantastic.

I would never wear the bikini bottom, however. I'll always wear a pair of shorts or a skirt over it. Why? I am so self-conscious about my bottom half. My thighs have shrunk, but they are still far too large, and my butt? It's ginormous. I'm completely out of proportion. Everyone constantly tells me that this is a good thing - that everyone likes a big butt, but no, I don't. It makes me feel huge. When I can wear extra-small and small tops and have to buy medium bottoms (sometimes large!) I just feel like a huge dork. When I can wear size 2 (sleeveless, because my arms are so damn big too!) or size 4 tops, and my pants are a size 8, I feel huge. I've always wanted my bottom half to match my upper half. I'm starting to realize that's probably never going to happen and I need to come to terms with it.

As long as I'm living a healthy, active lifestyle I should feel good about myself. The size of my clothes (or of my behind) should not dictate how I feel about myself.
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