Sunday, January 16, 2011
It's hard to focus on myself sometimes. Losing weight is something I want to do. It's something that I will do. I want to be 135 by my 3rd wedding anniversary. I want to feel good about myself again. It's hard though. It's hard to do something for myself when I have to handsome little boys who require my time and attention. I feel selfish and needy, and while that's not the case, that I need to do this for them to, it's hard not to feel guilty when I step away to do a video in my room.
It's another reason why I've been having a hard time with my business. Believe it or not ( ;) ), making jewelry requires a lot of time. I've been taking a ton of stock pictures so I can post them on the Etsy website, but that's hard too because I've been doing all of it after the kids go to bed. So I'm up til 11-12 and have to be back up by 6 am for work. I'm overloading myself and I know it, but how can I choose between two things I want to do? I can't choose between weight loss and jewelry making. They're both about my sanity.
On another hand, I'm also weaning my one year old son. I've made the decision to stop pumping next weekend. It's been a hard decision to come to. He's mostly off the breastmilk, he just gets an ounce per bottle, but it's hard to give up that last bit of closeness.
I've just got a lot going on right now. One of these days, I'll take some time for me and I won't feel guilty about it.... I have a feeling that it will be well after the boys are out of elementary at least before that happens.
Onward to weight loss (because I will lose these last 25 pounds before June!)!!!