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The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

Monday, January 10, 2011

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ' Middle Wife' comes along.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I still love this story!
    2332 days ago
  • MARYB73

    Thanks for sharing. This is so funny! I hope there is another like it for your camera.
    2570 days ago
    Oh, how funny. We have to be careful what we say and do as we don't know who is watching. Thanks for sharing. I know about show and tell. My son did some real good ones that the teacher told me about. emoticon
    2570 days ago
    Kids have the best out look on life! Thanks for sharing a priceless story!!! Enjoy your day!!!!! emoticon emoticon
    2570 days ago
    That is above delightful! Out of the mouths of babes....! Thanks for sharing. What a wonderful way to start my day!
    2570 days ago
    What a good way to start my day... with a good ol' fashioned laugh!! My sister taught kindergarten for years; I will pass this along to her as she loves to read stories like this!!
    2570 days ago
    I am laughing!!! I am really laughing! I am going to copy this and send it to my sons because it is soooo funny!

    Love it,

    2570 days ago
    Too Funny. emoticon
    2570 days ago
    I was laughing so hard I had tears running down my face! Thanks for sharing, kids are amazing -I am student teaching in 3rd grade and had a little boy try to give me $5 repeatedly to "buy myself something nice why don't I" haha! Gotta love 'em!
    2570 days ago
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