Friday, January 07, 2011
This is my first blog for 2011 and it ain't pretty!! The holidays did me in, big time. I am fearful of the scale and have not stepped on since before 2011. While the food has been out of control, I will say I still visited SparkPeople almost daily, and at least weekly. At one point I put all of the recipes I have collected in my wooden recipe box and logged them in here (some not so heart healthy)- I did this to keep myself thinking and being as mindful as I could be during the holidays. I was not, and hopefully will not give up all together.
I need to journal my food regularly again and I have to MOVE... I am boring myself as I have been saying this since I came back to SparkPeople last November but I have to fake it until I make it!! I also need to finish the SparkPeople book, I have read and blogged through Chapter 2. Today I will do chapter 3 (I have a snow day- and no excuses). I also think I need to living up my food... years ago I LOVED protein shakes I added bananas and blueberries to.. and I lost 19 pounds using them (they kept hunger at bay for long periods of time), and I need to cook more at home.. my husband and I are restaurant-aholics!
I have also realized that I am very affected by the loss of the need my children use to have for me. My daughter is 18 now (and away at college) and my son is 14 and a freshman in high school and busy busy busy... I am alone ALOT! And you would think- oh more time for me to exercise... but I am feeling such a loss that I think I need to dig my feet into something. I am contemplating getting my Doctoral Degree... or getting involved with something that has me with people doing things more often. I have become VERY unmotivated and sedentary. So I have to work on that! I need to think that exercise has to be a part of this as well.. I have NO REASON not to come home every day and get on my treadmill, use my Wii Fit and my swiss ball and weights... NO REASON!! And- my Mom who lives 1.8 miles from me, has a little gym with elliptical, and incumbent bike... everything is available to me! Why I don't do anything I am sure is connected to my clinical depression (that goes the enth power during this season) and lake of sleep do to my UARS (that I have tried to manage and just can't seem to). I do mange my depression and I am NOT sad.. my meds are magical but the energy fact is still so flat and that is a symptom my meds are unable to tweak do to the lack of sleep I am sure. EVEN SO, I really can defeat all of that!! Fake it til you make it - is my mantra right now!
It is time to STOP self reflecting and start DOING!!!