Thursday, January 06, 2011
My biggest problem is consistency. I get all excited stick with a plan for a few days, a couple weeks, but never a full month. I lose a few pounds, have a bad weekend and say "screw it I want macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and a beer!" and then never look back.
As I struggle with consistency I have noticed that I make too many excuses. The main one being "I'd rather eat and drink what I want and be happy and fat" That is a lie. I need to make sure I remember that is a lie. I tend to tell myself that to justify another snack, or a piece of candy when I should have an apple, or another glass of wine on a stressful night. I tell myself I should let myself be happy, and who cares if I'm fat....well I do! I feel it everytime I get dressed up to go to a party or out with friends. I feel it in a job interview knowing my pants don't fit correctly. I feel it when I hear my thighs rubbing as I walk down the hall. I feel it when my friends get hit on and I'm just the fat friend. I'm not fat and happy....I'm just over weight and using food as a comfort.
Now that I have realized this really is an excuse and only used for justifying my poor nutrition choices I have begun to remind myself this is a lie.
I did it last night! It was late, and I was bored and snacky. I walked into the kitchen at about 9:00 after I knew I had already gone over my calories for the day (not by much, but I had gone out to dinner for a friend's birthday and indulged a bit). I looked at the refrigerator, then turned around, told myself I wasn't really hungry, I didn't need anything else to eat, turned the light off and walked away! Normally I wouldn't have just picked something "small" like an ounce of cheese or a few crackers. Not a bad choice, but when I was already over calories and not really hungry I knew I didn't NEED it.
I am at a very uncomfortable weight and want a change. My mini goals should help me with little successes that keep me on track for my ultimate weight goal. Right now I'm going with 10%. I'm down two pounds so I'm on my way!