Wednesday, January 05, 2011
I started to evaluate my life a couple of months ago , praying that I would find answers and GOD would lead me in the right direction, but being as stubborn as I am I refused to see what was presented, but GOD knowing how stubborn I am made provisions for it to get through my , stainless steel, tornado proof head, lol.
I was on adhd meds as a child and with searching decided to get back on them, I have trouble reading and etc, gym class I have trouble paying attention, lol so as part of my plan I decided to stop watching T.v and that had been amazing!!!!!I did not realize how much void I was trying to fill by becoming engrossed in the fake lives on the tube, filled with controversy and violence and constantly feeling that way myself.
I am reading and enjoying it more than I thoought, I putter around the house, whicH I always felt guilty for before because I did not keep it the way I wanted too, with not T.v I have no distractions and the peace has been so settling, it really does feel like a weight has been lifted.
I feel like my eating has been resulted to this as well, trying to fill things with superficial stimuli, for me has only resulted in unhealthy eating, feeling angry, unsettled and somewhat spiteful, I know that may sound strange but that's just how I feel.
I love going through my day with feelings of compassion, appreciation for the world around me that has been blanketed by loud music, roaring T.V and constant chatter, I am so glad that god gave me the insight I needed to get to this point.
I have been in a downward spiral for so long, feeling like I could not accomplish what wanted, very low self esteem, feeling like I was existing, not living, like I was going through the motions but but not really making any progress, just there, I was very sad, felt lime crying alot not felt understood at all, feeling anger and resentment because I did not think anyone had a clue.
If you may be going through this you can send me a line and I will help you anyway I can, I have such peace know and I love my life again, if your still reading y persona journey thank you. GOD bless