you're so vain, you think this blog is about you
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
there I go again with my corny blog titles, haha.
First off, Happy New Year's to everyone! Hope everyone was able to enjoy their holidays. Mine were alright. It didn't feel the same this year, felt more like a chore, that I just was going through the motions. I love Christmas time normally, but I just couldn't find the spirit this year. Luckily, New Year's Eve made up for it and the last few days as well. I am really lucky to have the friends that I do.
Like many people, I'm here to start over. 'Tis the season for resolutions, looking back in order to move forward. I read the few blogs I posted on here, and I'm a little ashamed of myself for being in limbo land for so long. My mind wasn't in the place for it though. I don't know if that counts as reason or an excuse, however I'm well aware you can't change unless you can really focus on it. I am however proud (and amazed honestly) that I haven't gained any weight since falling off the weight-loss wagon. I have no idea what that means but I guess I'm still doing something properly? Any-who, onward and upward, I've made my resolutions, I made my to-do lists for them, and I'm going to focus on getting myself on track with a life I know I deserve.
So, you might be wondering where the heck the blog title came from. Forgive me for the proceeding rant and vanity crisis, but I need to vent it. So, I lost 20 pounds this year. At my heaviest, which was a couple years ago, I was over 270. I am now 249. And yet...not one person has noticed! Really, not one. My friends know I that I lost weight, I told them. However logic tells me they see me almost everyday, so it's not so dramatic for them. What logic doesn't explain is that my immediate family that I don't see for more than a few times a year didn't notice either. I've read articles saying you shouldn't count on people's comments as motivation because they will eventually stop. Well what if they didn't even start? I really know this all is horribly vain of me, but I always thought part of the fun of weight loss is having people be excited with you and for you? I think it's part of my problem, I really want cheerleaders behind me and it lets me down when I don't have as much support as I think I deserve. Or maybe I'm afraid it's all in my head and I'm still as big as I was and my scale is broken. I do have my own visualization of my weight loss though. When I was getting ready for the NYE party, I was looking for a belt to wear since I'm between sizes at the moment. I get out this one that I loved, but it was always too small even when I bought it. So I get hopeful, I take it out and wrap it around my waist, and you know what? Now it's too big! LOL, I never got to wear it! And I do notice most of my clothes fit differently, and that's really awesome (yet some things feel exactly the same, how does that work?) That really should be good enough right? Seeing the scale go down, clothes fitting looser, feeling healthier... so why isn't it?