Tuesday, January 04, 2011
I got up and did my work out this morning. It is so much better than having it hanging over my head for the whole day. Things are going well with being consistent with working out, a little soreness, but nothing I cant handel.
I did slip up last night and I wend over my calories for the day, but by less than 100. I am OK with this for a couple of reasons. First being that I am only a few days into being back on the wagon and my body is still adjusting, second it was the first day of my cycle and I tend to need a little more food on the first day to feel OK, and third it is only Tuesday and I have almost hit my calorie burn for the week. I know that by Friday spark is going to be yelling at me to adjust my calorie range.
I also had an ah-ha moment last night. I was reading the blog of some one who was struggling with an eating disorder, and something she said in their really resonated with me. I don't remember exactly what it was that she said, but it was along the lines of she needed to stop punishing her body for being fat. I think that I was doing that a little bit the first time around with spark.
My body would be starving, and I would not eat, because my fat body did not deserve to eat. The result was losing weight, which is what I wanted. It was a kind of twisted mind set. I also pushed my body beyond its limits, sometimes being so sore I could barley walk. This was also a form of punishment for my fat body. It is a fine line to walk between pushing your self to grow stronger, and doing too much.
The lesson I am taking form this is that I need to treat my body a little better through this process. I need to stop punishing it for being fat...I need to listen to it more and find a better balance. If I am hungry I will eat something good for me, and If I am working out and my body starts to tell me that I am pushing too much I will back off. If it takes me longer to lose the weight because of this so what. I guess that this can be added to the Goal list for 2011.