Monday, January 03, 2011
My biggest desire is to master emotional eating once and for all!! To master binging and to come to terms with what life throws at you without turning to food.
Food has been a comfort, my escape and has literally become my addiction to solve all problems(more like mask all problems) Some drink, some smoke, do drugs...I EAT. I eat when I'm stressed, i eat when I'm tired, i eat when I'm sad, angry. when i'm feeling guilty or overwhelmed....I EAT and boy do i eat. I wish i can say i eat a lot of apples, carrots and salad but when we feel emotionally distraught the only food that seems to call us and temporally make us feel better would be the ohh...so delicious chocolate, fries, cakes, breads and all the comfort food imaginable. I'm out of control and i need to put the breaks on before i creep back up not slowly but rather quickly at this rate.
2 months ago i lost my niece 29years of age. She died in a tragic car accident on her way to work for me at one of my restaurants. Her death has affected me in a big way and i'm masking it with food as i bring myself to work everyday trying to pretend like i'm ok. And when i am at home i do the same for my daughter's sake for my husband's sake...even for myself i try to pretend that I'm ok but i'm not...I know i'm not... gained 20lbs and suffer from headaches and i'm eating out of control...like never before. I need to stop...I have to stop...i feel it physically affecting me and the weight gain is just adding to my depression.
Less then 5 months ago i realized one of my long desired dreams...to own my own restaurant....not one but two...
I became quickly overwhelmed by trying to be super-mom, super-wife, super-boss, super-businesswomen and super-partner....then Lidia(my niece) passes away in the mist of all this and i slowly stop caring abut wearing on these hats...I can only do my best.
Today i took the day off and made a doctor's appt(get my blood work done), also called to see a therapist(need to talk to someone)now this was the next thing. Sparkpeople has helped me in the past get back into shape like nothing else!! I really need to surround myself with the same things that made me loose 50plus lbs in the first place...I never want to go back to being that heavy again.
So that's my story so far....Got 20lbs to loose...Would love to loose it by this spring but more then anything would love to get emotional eating under control.......
and to find peace of mind again.
Thank you for reading xo