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    LADEESUNSHINE   14,240
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Lost: Self Respect - Reward offered if found!


Sunday, January 02, 2011

After having been on the "diet" rollercoaster for more than 25 years - and having tested and tried more gimmicks, and programs that truly worked when the effort was put into them, it is truly difficult to get that old excitement - motivation - that power surge that comes with the start of a new program. Nothing even feels new this time, it feels like I am beating a dead fish. I am quite discouraged, not only at the lack of support I find in my family, but also in how many times I have left my team and come back - and knowing deep down they probably have as little faith in me making it through one challenge as I do.

After having done it all, jenny craig, weight watchers, nutri system, slender life, slimfast, deal a meal, atkins, and that is just a FEW of the diets i've done... it's so difficult to find that umpf that is going to take me there this time.

I believed with all my heart Spark was it... and I poured myself heart and soul into it when I first came aboard... I lost fifty pounds and had little more than fifty to go to goal.. I was feeling great, getting smaller clothes, and had more energy than I can ever remember having... and then life threw a wrench in my perfectly organized world, and now I sit here typing with tears rolling down my cheeks - having gained back 43 of those pounds lost. Because I am still in such a state of limbo in the rest of my life - it is so difficult to take control and set up a system.

I can't make the homeowners get rid of the candy dish - I have asked - and I cant throw out the tons of garbage in their pantry that I have to look at all the time... I can choose to eat it or not to eat it and that is all on me.

I can't tell my sister that it's my turn on the wii fit, since it is her television and wii - but I Can go for a walk...

I just never envisioned myself being here in this moment now with nothing at this age.

I am grateful to have a job i really am... more than I can express... but I am making less now than I made 18 years ago, I have run companies and now i am doing a nothing job in a little cubicle. I've never had a cubicle...ever.... even with my experience and my education i cant get a job that pays enough right now to get my husband and I on our own.

It is so disheartening to be here again. To be at this starting over stage again... I cant even say I am starting over - Im just picking back up the ball and hoping for the best.

All of my injuries are healed so I should be able to put the work in.. only i say what my hand delivers to my mouth so hopefully I can gain some control.

I feel like I have lost any and all self respect I had and I just need a hand to help me up this first step!

Thanks for listening ya'll ... and if anyone finds my self respect... give me a shout!

Happy New Year!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
GEOFROG 1/2/2011 11:34PM

    I too have gain some weight back! I also need to get back on track, start eating right again and get off my butt some more. We can do this! Good luck to you and keep in touch!

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TONYA43 1/2/2011 10:20PM

    Hi Elizabeth!

I have also gained back quite a bit, as a matter of fact I am really scared to weigh in the morning and post my new weight, but like everyone else has said we did it once, we can do it again.

Hang in there my friend!

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WINELADY4 1/2/2011 2:05PM

    Guilt is a non productive emotion, you fall, you get up and you move forward. Hard as it is, kicking yourself into next week will do nothing for you. That said, please know I am not trying to be hurtful, it just isnt.

Seems like you made the first step, you realized that you did not want to be where you were in relation to your eating/health. Then you made the 2nd step, you got back on to SP that you had succeeded with before.
Sounds to me like you are putting one foot in front of the other like you were doing before. You know that is what SP is all about, one foot then the other foot, moving forward. Good for you.
Welcome back!


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LOUVRELOVER 1/2/2011 10:12AM

    Hi! First of all, you're not starting from Square 1: you're still down 7 pounds! And you've "caught" yourself before you gained it all back, and probably more!

As you've seen in the past, there are great support groups here that will help when you need it (and accept your help when they need it).

Have a HAPPY New Year. There are lots of things that seem out of your control right now; what you put in your mouth is!!

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WOWEETOO 1/2/2011 10:10AM

    this is a new day

so the past is past and let it lay there nothing you do will change it but you can quit gnawing on that bone right now my friend
admitting it is half the battle

me 378-105 and maintaining over 2 years right here on spark people..it took 5 years and there were plateaus (one 9 months where nothing i did would move that scale in either direction i thought it was broke for awhile lol) i was on here everyday trying to motivate myself by helping other people that was what i could do
numerous candy dishes sit around in my house and if you look at the nutrition labels on some of them and the serving sizes i think you will be surprised at what you can have..just not the whole dish and i am diabetic..the serving sizes and the carbs are every one accounted for every time i do it
no one can make me go back..and i will kick ans scream if they try
drink the water..do it all the time and look at those hard candies and see what you can fit in within reason..sometimes we make things we love (sweets) an absolute no no and that isn't what sparkpeople is about..it's about living life and in order to do that and n not feel deprived you need to have what are considdered no-nos by most people every now and again
the big deal here is balance and moderation..weigh and meaasure those portion sizes and sit at the table and be 'mindful' of all the bites that go into your mouth.put them on a salad plate..looks like a lot more than it is and you might try eating like a diabetic 'diabetes for dummies' good reading and will set you on a good track with food choices that are balanced
DRINK THAT WATER
and don't think about the past and who you were..be the berst you can be right now in the moment and have no regrets..life is what happenes when we aren't paying much attention and you surely don't want to miss any life
always here and always available my friend
the lady mary posseing through on the ever-faithful camel clyde this sunday morning
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TERRA_LUNA 1/2/2011 10:07AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
I'm sending you big hugs!

You may have gained back 45 of the 50 pounds that you had originally lost, but you are still 5 pounds lighter than you were when you started and you are here. That is a step.

Everyone here wants to help you and support you. If you are having trouble finding the support at home, let us help you.

As for work...Patticake1044 has a great suggestion - remember that you are now just responsible for your actions instead of the entire company. This can be a mixed blessing, but at this point, it can also be a bit freeing because you can focus on you and your health instead of stressing so much about work. I'm sorry that the pay rate isn't enough to get you into a better living situation as I know that is stressful too. I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope that you are able to get your independence back soon.

Take things one step at a time. Your walk is a great idea as lightbulb moments and fresh air will hopefully help to lighten your spirit and your load.

Take care of yourself. There is only one you.
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PATTICAKE1044 1/2/2011 9:49AM

  I'm with you! Look at your current job like I do after having owned a business, and now at the bottom of the totem pole at 55. You can go home and forget about it. You don't have to lose sleep over your job--it's not in your pay grade. Do all you can to get ahead of course, but love it that you are not the one ultimately responsible. Yay for us! 2011 is going to be great! You can do this!

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AJINMN 1/2/2011 9:39AM

    I have wondered where you were! It is so good to see your face here again. I'm starting over again, after sitting at the same five pound loss and gain for I don't know how long. Nothing will change if I don't change it, as you know.

We can do it, you've done it before, you can do it again!

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