Saturday, January 01, 2011
Greetings from the Sticks! :)
I've had success on and off through the years with so many different "programs" I'd like to be ill. This cycle has left me in a horrid position of becoming a horrid emotional eater because life would happen and I'd throw it all out the window to deal with the latest crisis at hand. After hopping from crisis to crisis for the past (Oh, I so don't want to say this) 6 years, I have managed to gain my way through ridiculous emotional eating to nearly 300 pounds last summer.
I've taken off 10 slowly since October (truthfully 15 with a 5 pound gain over the holidays when my husband had surgery). I've managed to maintain that 10 and am claiming that as a victory as I maintained it while my husband had surgery, company was here, and the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's season.
On Christmas Day, I hit rock bottom. Before lunch I was crying in my room to the point that the whole family could hear me sobbing because I felt worthless and alone. It came to me as I lay there that I felt I was an inconvenience...first to my parents who had forgotten to call, then to my husband for making him help decorate the house the day before, and so on. I sobbed that out and then came to the conclusion that I was not only inconvenient to them, I was even inconvenient to myself. I couldn't stop the tears as I realized I couldn't put myself on the list of important things to accomplish simply because I was even an inconvenience to myself.
After I cried that out, I got to thinking how incredibly ridiculous this pattern of behavior is. I have so much more to conquer than just the extra weight. I have some SERIOUS bigger problems at hand.
I vowed when I got out of that bed I would NEVER be there again, and 1 week later, I've kept my word.
Tomorrow I'll weigh in for the first time since Christmas morning. I look forward to the results! :)