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Saturday, January 01, 2011

This is the year that I stop lying to myself and start taking care of myself. There is absolutely no reason for me not to lose weight, exercise and make healthy choices. I have no health limitations (Other than being morbidly obese - I HATE that term), no injuries that put me on the sidelines and all my body parts work. I did this to myself. I can undo this myself. I've been approved for lap band once and gastric bypass 3 times. And I keep coming back to the fact that I shouldn't have either of those surgeries. My body isn't broken. The way I chose to eat is broken. The lack of motivation to exercise is broken. These things can be fixed. I know it won't be easy and I honestly believe that I am addicted to food. I want to build healthy habits. I want to live for a long time. I want my boys to grow up with a mother who plays with them. My current body keeps me from doing things I enjoy. And truthfully I'm coming to learn that no amount of junk is worth being unhappy over.
I'm taking this slow. Because I know if I overwhelm myself all at once, I'm likely to quit. So I'm fixing things one thing at a time.

Here are my goals for this year and my new me.
1) Healthy meals for my family. This should really be very easy. I would like to provide my family with a well rounded meal that consists of one lean, healthy protein, one complex carb and one fiberous type of vegi.
2) Practice portion control. This will be a very hard one for me. Because I've grown accustomed to volume. So for now, when I feel the need for volume, I'm going to choose a salad or some soup to fill up on. and eventually taper the portions down.
3) Exercise. I love to exercise. And once I get up and actually do it, I enjoy myself. I feel good. Love the rush. I actually love going to the gym. It's just a matter of actually getting up and really doing it. For some reason there is a real mental block for me when it comes to wanting to do it and actually doing it. So I joined the Boot Camp. It's all laid out there for me. All I have to do is do it. And for some reason, that phrase really resonates with me.

ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DO IT. That 's all. Just do it. And I now understand Nike's logo and what it means. All you have to do is do it.

Eventually, I'd like to really be done with processed foods and sugar. But that's a tall request. I would love to work my way to whole foods. But after eating so badly all of my life, I know that this is something I need to work my way down and off of. I also know that it's not really likely that I will eat that way for the rest of my life. You just can't avoid sugar or processed foods ALL the time. So I will do my best to chose to eat whole as often as I can. But allowing some of these other foods on occasion in moderation, I need to practice moderation.

So here I am. I am going to try so hard to make these changes. I have a huge mental block that I've been stumbling over for years. I know it's going to be hard to break very bad habits. But I've been so cruel to myself these last 12 years and it's time I work to fix them.

I want to live. I want to REALLY live. I want to go camping. I want to go on hikes with my boys and explore the waterfalls around here, I want to go to amusement parks and ride the rides! I want to play football, basketball, soccer and baseball with my boys during the summer, I want to play shark in the pool and WIN! LOL!! I want to play tennis like I used to when I was a teenager. I want to fit into normal size clothes. I want the energy to clean my house and keep up with laundry. And I also believe that if I eat better and exercise, it will wipe out the adult ADD that I've been diagnosed and medicated for. I also want to ditch my blood pressure meds and move on with my life.

Help me. All I need is someone to cheer me on, someone to remind me that I'm worth it.
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