Here I am again...

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Well here I am again. Starting at the top. The top of my weight that is. I have managed to eat myself into oblivion and gain all the weight back I had lost. Now here I sit in my "fatty mcfat" clothes as I call them and hate myself for this self mutilation. This sucks.
I am now 52 years old and have battled this war for most of my life. When will I ever change? I look into my mirror and I dont know that person! Who is she? It looks like me but with so much weight it is like I am somehow distorted.
I want this. I have to want this enough to care morning noon and night. To make a change and feel like I deserve it. To not feel so "beneath" other people who live at a normal weight every day. To not want to go places because I feel like I will be the fattest one.
I put off a surgery because I didnt want to go be so fat in the surgery room. How stupid is that?
I finally managed to get it done 3 weeks ago and was so embarrassed to even go for my check up yesterday.
None of my clothes fit me anymore. I know how this happened. I did it to myself.

Now it is the next step to get myself doing SOMETHING about it.

Better get to work. I dont want to be late.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MELA1953
    I hear ya Laurie- We can do this together.... I don't have any of my old mcfatty clothes so I had to buy a minimum amount ... We just have to pick ourselves up and get back on the road and out of the "funk gutter".... Love ya!!!!
    2502 days ago
    you can do this! remember that all it takes is getting back on the wagon one more time than you fall off. 2011 is your year! you deserve this!
    2516 days ago
    You can do it hon!
    2516 days ago
    I am so there with you. When I look into the mirror which isn't often that person looking back isn't me. That is not how I look in my mind.Self esteem issues continue to palgue me and I know I am my own worst enemy. I would be worse off without spark!Each day we get a fresh start on a journey to a new us. emoticon emoticon
    2516 days ago
    Hi Laurie...

    A huge welcome back from me too. I have been fighting the same fight you have and am so tired of looking at my too round face in the mirror every day. Maybe your enthusiasm will give me the spur I need to shake myself into action. emoticon
    2516 days ago
    Oh. Laurie! I am so glad to see you back!! Must be mental telepathy because I am coming back, too --- a long hiatus when everything just got too much for me. And sometimes just participating in spark seems like a full-time job.....

    I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with your family --- any news to share? I hope things have settled down from your surgery and that you are well again from that. And I hope 2011 brings wonderful jobs for you and Kev.

    Big hugs,
    2516 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by LAURIE1076