Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Written on Dec 25th, 2010
It has been a very very long time since I have written a blog. Life changed very quickly over the last year and as it all fell into wonderful places, I've not been as dedicated to myself as I once was...weight has crept back on. I have stopped and started and had a few zillion efforts this year but what I haven't done is commit myself back to spark. It works, I know from experience it does. So this is not a new years resolution. it is my life's resolution bc what worked for me before when I was single, in a very routine job, and only worried about me is no longer the case...
To sum up the last year....New Year's Eve last year I was went out with CHELLELEIGH and her now fiance and their friend. That friend...David and I started dating and now 11 months later we have moved in together and are in the process of a whirlwind holiday visit to the East Coast to see/meet my family and actually are on the plane as I type this xmas day headed to el paso to meet his. He is THE ONE! We are making a life together and I am so in love with this man, he is everything I've always wanted and so much more. I had no idea being in love and being loved by someone was so amazing and at times so hard. I am learning to make my decisions based on we and not just on me. This also means I am cleaning out my house so we can rent it out...a big time/money investment along with stress!
On top of that, after being laid off and unemployed for 4 months, I found a FANTASTIC job that I love. It does take quite a bit more time but it's a wonderful company and they treat me well and will provide all the future training I want! The hours are slightly different, sometimes I have to stay late unexpectedly, I'm on call every 3 weeks, but I get paid overtime (which means I work more so I get paid more), and my days are never set so planning eating is very difficult. Sometimes plan A and plan B are out and plan C doesn't workout.
I was asked to join the coaching team for my running club. Its been great, and I love the responsibility and being able to motivate and help new runners but it is another time commitment.
So the bulk of the changes in my life are great, I love living with the bf, I love my job, but the challenges:
a)until 3 weeks ago the bf didn't eat healthy b)the bf is seeing a nutritionist now but his diet is low carb, high fat c)running on tues/thurs w/my group is a 45min drive from home since I moved in with the bf so I don't get home until 9pm or later d)used to bike w/group 1x a week but I don't get home until 10pm when I do that ride bc of the distance so i don't ride e)my work is crazy, I prepare lunch but then I will have to go offsite all day, or a luncheon I need to go to will come up, or I'll bring a lunch -have to go offsite for a quick fix that then turns into an all day offsite leaving me with having to balance cost w/eating healthy if I can even get to healthy food. sometimes I get 10 minutes and the only thing around is a crappy fast food place. I try to make best option but when it happens 3-4x a week it adds up...
f) when I'm on call I have to respond in 15 minutes so running, taking a gym class, etc become a challenge.
g) strength training got cut out b/c of time h)taking classes cuts into time with the bf
i) I had to switch gyms b/c of new home, classes not as challenging motivating i)I make too many excuses-too many times I give in to junk food, temptation, thinking just this time...I need to make a plan and stick to it.
That is what I am writing my blog for. I need to lay it out, make a commitment, and be held accountable. So many wonderful sparkers out there say they are motivated by my page...well its my commitment to them and to myself to get myself back to where I was and keep moving forward with the new life. Things will never be what they were and that is good b/c I love things as they are now, but I want to be the best healthiest version of me that I can be and I need to get to that place again...besides if my dreams of being engaged soon come true...I'm going to want to look my best! It's like starting over again on spark. I need to find what works for me, but this time balancing what works for us with a different job, a different schedule, and a lot more variables thrown in.
>Set a workout schedule EACH week to include:
weight training, running, yoga
>Learn to get workouts in at home when I can't get to gym Stick to
>workout schedule planned Set a menu each week for OUR eating needs
>where we can adjust Track my meals each week Blog 1x weekly about my
>progress Get my life organized (get house cleaned and rented, get
>everything unpacked at OUR house, get on a schedule) Follow a
>budget-pay off credit cards and save money for a special day (think
>white dress day) :)
So it seems so straightforward when I write it down...but I am doing what I haven't done all year...I'm making a visual commitment in a blog for myself and others. One of the most basis key principles...yet it has taken me this long to do it. I think I didn't want to admit to everyone I went backwards...but I did and that is life. I am now going forward again...it WILL happen. I need help, I need to make time to make it happen, I need to forgive myself for not being stronger. I, luckily, have not gone completely backward, I have maintained 60lbs of my original loss. I still workout 5 days a week, I still make smart food choices most of the time...but I need to tweak, and resist temptation, and most of all I needed to set some goals that are realistic and that I can stick with.
This is my commitment to myself to fix the very last piece in the puzzle, I am SO happy with everything else in my life, it is so silly that the one thing out of control is the one thing I CONTROL...its like a little bit of self sabotage...that stops now. I deserve to be happy in every way in my life. I deserve to be in love with a wonderful guy, have a great job, be super healthy, AND be happy every day. These will be my self affirmations b/c apparently I need them. But most of all I NEED SPARK! I NEED MY SPARK FRIENDS! I NEED TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE! I'm BACK for real this time- ready to take the new year by the horns and make it happen one day at a time, one choice at a time.