Saturday, December 25, 2010
The price of my choices
Sometimes I just hate myself. That person that looks back at me is not the person she claims to want to be like. Words. Just words. Empty ones. Words without actions are worthless – worthless is the way I feel sometimes. I let things in my life overcome me. What I really want, is to REALLY WANT to be the person in my dreams, my visions, my hopes – to reach the high goals I set for myself. I know that once a burning desire is in a person’s soul, nothing gets in the way. I can look back and identify the stumbling blocks; the same ones that I did not overcome. Instead, I let them identify ME. I quit. Simply put, I did not fight back; choosing instead to make excuses and live overwhelmed. I believe that we are what we think about all day. The fruit of my life shows that my thought life is crap.
I want to be different. No. I HAVE to be different or nothing will change. My son’s favorite term to describe stellar success in school is “beasted it!” A beast conjures images of a powerful force that will not be stopped. Put that into a human body, I see a warrior – a Viking-type that kicks ass and takes names. (Old venacular from my younger days) I have decided that I am fighting back. I have to say that to myself again. I HAVE DECIDED TO FIGHT BACK! No longer will I just hang back because it is too hard, too hot, too cold, too far, too windy, too sunny, too rainy, and too heavy. I am sick to death of being in this place ALWAYS. With all my heart I want a sizzling, scorching, scalding, driving desire to rise above the mediocrity that has become my life. I will dwell on the thoughts of those strengths that I covet. I will be strong, determined, resilient, and unwavering.
The star that guides me: 2011 – The Year I BEASTED!