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I Wrote This Blog in Tears, but I Know I Will Win!


Sunday, December 19, 2010

LEGAL NOTE: The views and opinions in this blog belong to only me. In no way am I speaking in the name or as a representative of any retail company.

If the managers at my job see this blog, they will probably fire me for it. I would hate for that to happen, but at least I will get some of my dignity back. I usually get between 4-15 hours of work a week for $9 an hour. (I work in a top lingerie store.) I tend to work an average of two days a week because while I always get scheduled for more, the managers at my job will often call at the last minute to cut my shifts. Sometimes they leave messages on my phone, blaming the low sales week for the need to make "payroll adjustments." Sometimes I come to work and they tell me to leave right away. Sometimes they cancel my shift and give it to someone else. They are always hiring new people, though.

At work today, the petite hiring manager smiled at me and said, "You don't have to come in for work tomorrow." That's one shift less than I will get paid for, which means that I will be $36 in the red in two weeks. I guess that I can forget about paying my cell phone bill for the fourth consecutive month.

The MetroCard machine in the bus accidentally deducted one extra fare when I was supposed to have a transfer today. I got off the bus and walked to the subway station a few feet away. I explained what happened to the subway attendant, but he refused to give me a fare ticket. I can walk to the subway from home, but I usually take the bus if I see it. I walked home today in tears.

I cried when I got home. I cried when I pulled out my laptop and logged on the SparkPeople. I am crying now. But I will not eat above calorie range.

I have $10 in MetroCard fare to get to and from my internship, work and the gym for the next two weeks. It costs $2.25 each way.

I have maybe two dollars in my Capital One bank account. I used to have a Chase debit card, but I think that they revoked it because I couldn't afford to pay the $40 overdraft fee.

I live with my mother and three siblings. We got denied for food stamps recently because we make too much money. By law, you have to report all household income in the application. She put in her pay stubs, and I submitted two of mine, which proved that I only made $115.14 in a month. I guess we're too "rich" to eat.

I got my bachelor's degree more than a year ago. I still don't have a copy of my diploma, though, because I owe my alma mater money. It makes me sad to think that despite all the years of sacrificing and "doing the right thing," I still won't get hired at McDonald's. (Trust me, I've tried.) I have applied to hundreds of jobs since I graduated. I have five different resumes with years of experience that I've accumulated over the years. Of course I've applied to jobs in my field (which is communications.) I have applied to temp agencies, I have applied to childcare jobs, I have applied to every retail store I could find, I have applied to jobs that I don't want to do and jobs that I never thought that I would be desperate enough to apply for.

If I knew that I would be in poverty post-college grad, I would've skipped college. Even though my job wouldn't have been glamorous, I probably would have four solid years of job experience with a manager job somewhere by now. If skipped college, I wouldn't be $17,000+ in tuition debt, I wouldn't be waiting for my mom to come home from work so that I could use her cell phone. (My cell phone account is completely suspended.)

I grew up dirt-poor. I grew up with no self esteem. I kept my grades up, because I figured that my grades could get me out. It did the opposite. I have always been careful with money, and remember giving my "father" half of my paychecks as a teenager. Despite the fact that he treated me like garbage, I always fell for it. When I was in college, I gave him a cell phone when I learned that his credit rating didn't allow him to receive one. He stopped paying his share, and last winter I was forced to dip into my emergency savings to pay for his share. I closed his account.

Now, things have changed, and he makes more than twice my mother's salary. My mother finally decided to leave that abusive marriage two years ago. She found a job and an apartment, and was just making it. But eventually her job got taken over by a new company, and they decided to cut everyone's salary. We're lucky that she didn't lose her job. Too bad she still can't afford a divorce.

Too bad that she has her own problems, and doesn't really take mine seriuosly.

Despite all this, I've lost more than 54 pounds since March. Sometimes it's so hard to wake up in the morning because I know that I have another difficult day ahead. But other times it's easy because I know that soon enough I'll be burning calories and building muscle at the gym. To save MetroCard fare, I do a lot of walking from the gym to where I have to go. I walk in the heat, in the cold, in the rain, and I'll probably will be walking in the snow.

I know that retail can be hard when it comes to money, but I do take this personal! I had paychecks where I made less than $50 in two weeks. These manager who cut my shifts know this, and yet they don't care. So I don't care what they go through either. To them I'm probably just some lowly associate who doesn't process enough credit applications, or smile enough to the customers anyway. So why should I focus on something that I can't change? I'd rather focus on the good!

I have a lot of little pleasures. Like today, I ate two and a half candy canes, my first and probably last for the holiday season. They tasted really good, since I don't eat much candy anymore. (I don't even miss it.) I like my unpaid internship, and since I'm not landing a job anyway, at least for two days out of the week I can feel like I actually matter. I have friends that even though I can't afford to go out with or talk on the phone with sometimes, when I do talk with them, we trade some so sad that they're funny bad parenting stories!

I have jeans that are a size 8 that are getting too baggy. I have dreams of running a 5-K by Summer 2012, and physical strength that makes me think that I can do this before my mental deadline. I have a certain affinity for steamed mixed vegetables, and have discovered that the one of the joys of a $20 bi-weekly food budget is the fact that I don't have that much room for temptations. I have sacrificed pretty much everything to pay for my gym membership, but I have never regretted it for a single day because I love the fact that I'm already trying to sign up for my first spinning class without knowing the schedule for it. I love the fact that I can leave home to go somewhere and relax. And I will walk through any weather to get that experience.

I have ended my relationship with my biological father, and for the first time, I actually feel my self-esteem developing. I feel free from his negativity when I think of the many times he made my life difficult, and how ten years ago, he consistently told my 13-year old self that I will be so fat that no man could ever want me. I think of the time when he laughed about my "big and fat" 11-year old body with the males sales associate while I cried in shame. (BTW: Letter to my 13-year old self will come once I hit goal weight. Fitting room chronicles blog coming soon too!)

And to those lovely lingerie store managers who will probably fire me if they read this blog: The more you cut my shifts, the more I will cut MY fat :)

Take care.

Sparkers: Let me know what you think about my blog. Had you ever had financial problems? Have you ever been emotionally abused by a parent? What struggles do you have besides losing weight? What keeps you motivated to lose weight when other aspects of your life are in shambles? Do you agree with my views? Do you agree with my opinion that a college education is overrated in America? If you were a manager at my job, would you fire me for this blog? Why or why not?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
KIJO0607 1/8/2011 8:42PM

    You know what, I know it was probably difficult to share much of this but you are blessed and you will continue to be blessed. I am sure right now it is probably so hard to see through all of the challenges and constant obstacles but as someone who has been there I PROMISE you it will get better and there is a whole family of sparkers who love you and will pray for you. Hang in there and if you ever need to talk send me a note. You are a survivor, you are a wonderful,strong beautiful woman and you will persevere AND YOU ARE BETTER THAN YOUR CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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ROXYMATA 1/7/2011 1:49AM

    First things first, I have never been more impressed with someone after reading two blog posts. You're authenticity, courage and commitment is so important and I would love to see you mentor children and youth. If you have not started posting outside of sparkpeople, I would love for you to start and share the link via your sparkpage. You have this amazing voice and it resonates in your writing. I see a lot of possibilities for you and know the moment will come when those financial troubles will truly be behind you.

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CMKOBE 1/5/2011 3:56PM

    Wow. I personally know a lot of people who claim to have been through this or that...they've been held down by 'the man', they couldn't go to school because their mom was working or they don't know their dad...so in other words they turned their life into one big EXCUSE. You've turned yours into one big SUCCESS. Most of these people use their hard life as an excuse of why they can't speak or write English properly even though school was free. Most of these people use their hard life as an excuse of why they can't get a job even though their pants are hanging off their a$$e$ and their hats are sideways and tattoos of spiders are crawling out of their necklines and they have more gold teeth than fingers. You've used it as a steppingstone to success. Your command of the English language is amazing and YOU WILL have astonishing success very soon. That is a fact.

Congratulations and good luck and I am proud of you.

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JBSHORTCAKE 1/5/2011 3:29PM

  Just want you to know that I think you are an amazing writer!! This blog and the 11 list are very good!! thank you for sharing! Be blessed as you continue your journey! I see you going into that store one day like Julia Roberts their treatment of you BIG MISTAKE!!

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HEALTHYFUFU 1/4/2011 11:02AM

    I stumbled upon your blog and had to respond. Anyone who can write as well as you do and create those digital visual collages has a future in communications or whatever else you decide to do. Education is never wasted! No one can take away what you've already accomplished.

Thank you for the inspiration and for setting an example for perserverance in the face of adversity. I will try to remember your example when I hit my own walls, as we all do. Keep it up!

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MISSYRH3 1/4/2011 7:36AM

  Not sure where you are from, but some states offer money for plasma donation. It's not much but can add up.


After I wrote this I saw NYC on your page so I have a website for you to go to if you are interested.

http://bloodbank
er.com/plasma/centers/category/
new-york/


Comment edited on: 1/4/2011 7:45:16 AM

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GOIN4GR8 1/4/2011 12:47AM

    Wow. All I can say is, you have an indomitable spirit! Amazing that with all you're going through, you've still managed to lose a lot of weight in the past year. That is truly an inspiration, and you should be VERY proud of yourself.

God Bless, and keep up the good work.

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RUNJEWELRUN 1/3/2011 4:27PM

    OMG! You are saying so many things that I too felt this past year. To echo everyone, God will see you through this! Here's a big hug from me!
I have so much to say to you, but I don't have time to get all the words out(I am leaving work early to go pay rent) but I will write you tomorrow!!
Keep your head up!
Can you apply for food stamps as a single person?

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BODYBYWW 1/3/2011 4:10PM

    I read through your blog, and just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your troubles. Remember that the Lord never gave us anything that we could not handle or carry the burden on. He carried a huge wooden cross. That's heavy enough, but to be beaten, whipped, spat on, and mocked all the way, knowing you were going to die soon? That's huge. Also, remember that no matter how tough your life is, someone always has it harder. It helps put things in perspective. I am a full time nurse, and I work on a ventilator unit. I always lived my life in a perpetual pity party, until I saw some people "lived". Notice I put "lived" in quotes. You have a high quality of life and don't realize it. The people I take care of can only breath through a straw in their necks, and their lives are dependent on a machine that does the work of their diaphragm and lungs, and the only distance that can move or ambulate is the distance of the length of their ventilator hose (unless of course they have a staff member move the patient with the respiratory therapist moves the ventilator, and suctions as needed along the way). It takes a coordinated effort of ALL staff to get the patient outside just to soak up some sunshine for a few minutes only to be too exhausted and want to come indoors.

Things WILL improve, and you are truly blessed for being able to live with your mother, and not have rent on top of your other expenses. I no longer have my mother or father around for that matter to turn to, so when I have issues, I am it for the most part.

As far as your college education is concerned...it is a possession that no one can ever rob you of. Nothing is a bigger asset than your education. DO NOT EVER SELL YOURSELF SHORT or REGRET a college education. You may not be using it right now, but you will. Me? - I have a 4 year degree that I received 24 years ago. I never really used it (meaning got a job in that area), BUT, I have been considered by my colleagues to be very insightful, thoughtful, highly intelligent, and bright to carry on an intelligent conversation on almost any subject or carry a valid opinion on any subject. With an education, college or trade school, you have something that some people don't have...a sense of enrichment.

The most important thing about an education is that it gives you a stepping stone to do whatever you want to do, not just now, but way down the road. Perfect example was my GREAT Aunt Helen had a bachelors many years ago, and was a teacher for MANY years. After she retired, she, of all people, went back to school to obtain her masters in her late 80's. YES I said 80's, and she was the oldest freshman on campus in the college's history. She graduated in her 90's and died at 96 years of age.

With my bachelor's degree, I am now registered to go back to school at age 45 and obtain a second bachelor's in nursing. I can use the credits from my first bachelor's towards my second. WOOHOO! Believe it or not, I finally had the nerve to back to school all BECAUSE I changed my life as a result of losing weight and changing my lifestyle. My thought was, "If I can lose 85+ pounds and bring myself back the brink of total annihilation, I can overcome my fear of going back to school."

You will survive - Gloria Gaynor "I will survive." emoticon

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KEBRIANNA 1/3/2011 2:53PM

    Oh, how many times I have has to write thru the tears! Sister, you are not alone in the things that you are going through. I know that it may seem as though you are, but you are far from it.

I read your blog a few hours ago and I have been just pondering how to respond. I thought about sharing the things that are going on in my life, but I don't want to seem as if we should glorify the hard times or imply that "my problems are bigger than yours". So what I decided was to just let you know that YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH.

I know that it seems like just words, but accept them. Hone them. Meditate on them. Understand them. YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH. In my trouble times, I lean on the fact that I am going through. This is a transitional phrase. An action. It tells me that THIS won't last always. At some point, it has got to end. So you know that too, my friend. At some point, your rain will stop and the sun will shine again! emoticon

As far as the degree goes, honey, it will pay off. It just takes time. We all know what a mess of an economy we have right now. We just have to be patient, thank God for what we have right now, and ride it out. Just to let you know, your degree, although it may not seem worth it in your present circumstances, was well worth you achieving it. This is just a rough spot....think how far ahead of others you will be when the economy recovers.

Through it all - just TRUST GOD! Never lose faith. Know that He will do what He says that He will do. I may inbox you my story one day and just let you know exactly what He has done for me and still doing. Remember that whatever God ordains, He sustains.

I am glad to have found your blog. Your life, your story, your successes, your trials, have really ministered to my soul. In so many ways, you have won. Focus on those victories, don't give your trials any more attention than they are worth.

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LILLIPUTIANNA 1/2/2011 8:43PM

    I had a terrible time with my father too. I gave him sooooo many chances and he always managed to turn things around and make me feel like a fool for trying to mend things with him. He was diagnosed with cancer 15 years ago, and I had to chose between swallowing my pride and "being there for him," or cutting all ties with him. I chose to cut all ties...and I tell you, I have NEVER regretted it.

As for your money troubles, remember: Times are tough, but WE are tougher. (That's what my grandmother, who single-handedly ran a ranch during the Great Depression, used to say.)

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MISSB412 1/1/2011 9:31PM

    I stumbled across your blog (I am a new to Sparkpeople), and your post really touched me. I have had a really stressful year financially, so I could relate to everything that you said in your blog. My financial problems started before I graduated college. For personal reasons, I started my education at a community college and transferred to a bigger, public college after a year. Although my CC was a "branch" of the bigger college, most of my courses didn't transfer. I was forced to graduate a semester later than I was supposed to. My state grants and scholarships only covered four years, and my school refused to give me any extra money for the remaining semester. My tuition was covered by federal student loans, but I worked full time (while taking a full-time course load) in order to cover the rest. I was exhausted, and I was still broke because my job only paid minimum wage, so it was still hard to cover rent, food, gas, etc. It was a really exhausting time of my life.

Now, I've graduated and moved to a new city. I am starting a much higher paying job next week, but I still am not completely out of the woods. I have some credit card debt that I accrued due to financial emergencies (car broke down, computer died and had to move to a new apartment because of relationship troubles, all within the same semester). I also have some utility bills from when I was still in college that I need to pay off. So my goal for 2011 is to try to get out of debt and stabilize myself financially. With all this stress, it has been really hard to focus on my weight and food intake, so that is another thing that I am working on: portion control, exercising more, healthier choices.

Thank you so much for posting this entry. It feels so good to know that someone else with a college degree is having financial problems too. I wish you the best of luck. Do you have any childcare experience? I'm not sure which city you live in, but sittercity.com and care.com always have a ton of families looking for part time and even full time babysitters. It's a pretty safe alternative to Craigslist, and even if you could get a couple of weekend gigs, that could potentially bring in hundreds of extra dollars a month. It's something worth checking out. Good luck!

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MY_HEALTH_BABY 12/31/2010 8:16PM

    YES, YOU WILL WIN!! You poured your heart out and I feel for you! Thank you for asking for opinions as I wouldn't comment otherwise; however, "don't EVER let anyone discount you or your degree"....a Bachelor's is quite an accomplishment and to have one is empowerment beyond words. (My ex-hubby actually ripped my original degree apart in an effort to degrade/demean me. Can you believe it?) I've been where you were and fortunately had parents or "a boyfriend" to fall back on for support. In this am self-sufficient now but went thru hell and back...

I, on the other hand, was occasionally ridiculed and compared by my father for being too skinny. I say ridiculed but guess what? Everyone else tells me it was light banter and meant to build me up and make me stronger----It hurt and that's that. Dad is a loving, wonderful man but parenting wise, he kinda sucked!

I have faith in God, who strengthens me so that I can do all things!!!! This is crucial to my life now and even though I succumb to jealousy and insecurity every now and then, I pride myself on my ability to recognize those ugly feelings and get over them.

You have perseverance! You show up to work and get turned away and keep sane. I must admit that there was a time when I would have reached out and made some ugly anonymous phone calls or ate my way thru the rejection, but you have tremendous will, and strength. You are building the character of a future VP! You will look back at this time and smile. Happy New Year emoticon

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IMSMILEY88 12/31/2010 9:45AM

    Keep looking at the things you can control - exercising, weight loss, your attitude. I know this is a rough time, but there will be brighter days ahead! Just keep at it!!!

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CHANGING_LIFE 12/27/2010 11:18PM

    This was beautifully written. I wish I could help you out someway. It saddens me so much that it seems like so many people who don't need help get it, but those who really do can't get it.
You mention the metro...are you by chance from St. Louis?
I watched an episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition with the Gaston family, and I cried. This man had dropped out of college to raise his niece/nephews after their parents died. He was barely making ends, and the show came and made him this beautiful home, gave him money to maintain it, and set up scholarships for everyone in the family.
Ever since I saw that, I've been so inspired. I want to help out others, and I'm so disgusted that our society allows for people to fall into situations like those.
Please let me know anything I could do to help you....you deserve it. Please remember that.
God bless you and take care.

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TOAMINNIEME 12/23/2010 1:26AM

    Don't regret for one second going to college, that is an education and experience that no job can take from you! You will find your dream job it just may take some time. It is not right what your employer is doing to you now!

You have overcome so much in such a short period of time with your weight loss. Your story is amazing and you are such an overcomer. I admire your diligence!! You are a strong woman to have endured so much from your father over the years.

Keep your head up high, you are such an inspiration to me. My heart goes out to you in your current situation and I will be praying for you :)

Merry Christmas



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CHERYLE51 12/22/2010 12:52AM

    So sorry to read your blog. I truly feel your pain. I was unemployed for a couple of months recenlty. No, that may not sound like much, but I am married with 3 kids and a MIL. I have over 30+ years in the clerical field, can type over 60 wpm, know a lot about office work, etc. and I could not find any work. I applied to several temporaray agencies and they couldn't even find me work. I just recently found a part time job with the local school district working 4 hours/day. It's a start. My son works for a local restaurant chain and his hours have been cut to almost nothing. It seems they are not busy during the Christmas season. My husband makes decent money, but to feed all of us, especially 2 teen age boys, it is hard to keep food in the house. I agree with you, that education right now in the US is overrated. My niece has a teacher's degree and cannot find a job. She is working at Costco. I wish the government could figure out what is wrong with the economy and help all of us. Kudos to you for staying on track with your eating. When I am upset I eat all the wrong foods. I hope and pray that things will turn around for all of us. I don't think it is you, just the world right now. emoticon

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SANDAM1 12/21/2010 11:31AM

    I was thinking about your blog post last night at the gym (yeah, it made that strong of an impression on me) and had a random thought - have you asked your gym if they have any jobs available? Maybe some front desk help? I belong to the Y and they are almost always looking for help. Or maybe they would let you work a few hours a week to offset your membership fee.

Just a thought. And remember that there ARE people out here that care about you and things WILL get better.

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ATROTAMUNDOS 12/20/2010 10:49PM

  That is a really tough situation that you are in. Kudos to you for keeping up the healthy eating and exercise. I agree that Bachelor's degrees are underrated but I think that having one is still worth it. You might look into studying post graduate while the economy is bad. Also, if you have government loans, you can defer them during periods of unemployment (or underemployment). I deferred mine over 1 year ago and still haven't started paying. I left the US after college graduation to avoid the recession but I've been through 4 jobs in 1 year-includ. sexual harassment/renouncing and getting fired from a really awesome job. I've moved between 2 cities 2 times and have spent more time alone than I care to think about. I have a credit card debt that is bigger than my savings+checking account combined. I count every dollar I spend. I too eat frozen veggies, hamburgers, and noodles. I too walk to save bus fare. I too work at the stupidest most demeaning job even though I am a college grad. Sometimes I too wonder if I will ever reach financial and personal stability.

But keep your head up, your faith strong, and your mind working on overtime-if plan A isn't working, try plan B, or C, or D. Have confidence that life will work out because it will just when you think it won't and when it can't get any worse. Just by having your college degree, you have still accomplished way more than most young people.



emoticon emoticon

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LOVEFIT30 12/20/2010 2:50PM

    I think everyone has been in your position at some point in their life. Your blogs sounds a little too familiar to many stories I have heard and even things I, myself have lived.

First, writing with managerial experience, I'm certain that your shifts keep getting cut because of the recession and the fact that you are a part time employee. The more "part-time" you are the more your shifts will get cut and actually, when it comes to lay offs, your the first kind of employee to get laid off so be thankful that you have a job and even though it isn't much of an income, at least it is one. The employment world can't justify laying off those who work full time vs those who are part time. Saving a full time job is more realistic in the eyes of business. Plus, I'm certain that your not the only employee that has had their hours cut, my dear. Your very part time, and when your that part time, you don't neccessarily get the ins and outs of whats going on. You may think that you are the only one getting cut hours when infact your more than likely not. However, they should be cancelling your shifts prior to you coming in, actually well enough in advance. And when you show up and they cancel on you, there should be some sort of employee law where the business has to pay for a minimum amount of time. The united States is not doing well compared to the rest of the world and when a company isn't make money, they can't afford to keep staff working and making money. You might actually make more money than your counterparts as well.

With that being said, GO YOU for keeping such a positive attitude about everything you are going through and feeling!!

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Comment edited on: 12/20/2010 2:57:49 PM

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WESTCOASTGIRL2 12/20/2010 11:28AM

    It sounds to me like your current employer is treating you unfairly, I don't know the circumstances, but maybe they're just barely keeping themselves above water, too. If at least they could be honest and open if that were the case. They may not be able to be honest and open for fear of losing customer confidence, and having to close and not 'weather the storm'.

In any event, if you are being THAT strong through this very tough time for you and still taking care of yourself and exercising etc... then your opportunity will present itself for a better job sooner or later. It has to. Somebody who appreciates that in an employee will one day see your will and determination and work ethic and will hire you. If I were an employer, I know I would!

I'm sure you're aware of this already if you're on tight food budget -- dried beans and legumes are an extremely cheap way of sustaining yourself with wholesome healthy food.

Keep looking, stay positive (it will show!) and you will succeed! emoticon

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ITSALWAYSABTME 12/20/2010 11:28AM

    I have been there, am there now it sucks. When I was completely unemployed (for several months) I was told that I made too much money the YEAR BEFORE!!! to get any assistance. Yeah if I was making any money I wouldn't have applied for ANY assistance? Have you tried churches/community programs that can temporarily assist with rent (usually you need to have an eviction notice FIRST) They also have Food Banks...........but I know the ones around here are pretty bad off, with the economy)
Retail sucks and there should be NO reason they are cutting your hours at THIS time of the year. I would keep on trying to find a different job. I worked for Medieval Times when I lived in Maryland. I applied there because all my friends said I would be PERFECT for that type of job. I LOVED it but it didn't pay as well as everyone said it would. I like the idea of waitressing. the shifts can suck but its income. AND you will generally always have cash on hand for emergency's (Like the metro fare) I was lucky when I lived in Maryland at one point I had THREE jobs. (two didn't pay very well /at all but I LOVED them Medieval Times being one that like you in the spring/summer however, my hours would get cut due to small shows and my availability due to my other job that paid better (but still not good enough)

Keep your head up, Eventually you WILL get a break! Keep posting your resume online especially to temp agency's. When I first moved to this area in Fl , I was told there were NO jobs I too applied everywhere , every retail, every fast food, etc. I also posted my resume on every employment site, and every temp agency I could find. Turns out a Temp Agency I didn't know about saw my online resume called me on Monday to see if I could start TUESDAY, I had to make a 2 hr drive in to a 6 hr drive to get to the temp agency because I had no idea how to get around here yet. I temped at my current company for 6 months in a position I really wasn't qualified for, and when they filled it out of the blue the offered me a position I WAS qualified for! I know how amazingly lucky I got and YOU will TOO. just keep the faith.

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TANIKEYA 12/20/2010 10:10AM

    Good luck. i wish i could help. that's just me though1

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MAIRESAURUS 12/20/2010 9:57AM

    I was the first in my family to go to college, so I had no role models about what to expect or what to do. If I could do it over, I would've gone to community college first, since no one cares where you spend four years, so long as you have a name on the top of the diploma. I would've seriously considered trade school. I don't necessarily regret going to school, but I do feel I was unprepared. Do I feel betrayed, in a way, because I have a practical degree from a well-known, large state university and yet I've not the job I hoped for? A little bit. I also understand that the economy is in the toilet because of the greed of college grads past. I'm lucky to be working at all.

That being said, I believe in the long run that those who went to college will do better than those who did not. Don't be fooled by friends who've had four years of retail, fast-food, or administrative experience and who are sporting nice clothes and cars now. In the short run, they are doing quite well for themselves but eventually they will hit a wall. That sort of work experience only gets you so far, to a management position (or regional or district management position). Then what? You only have experience in that field and it would take a fair amount of creative marketing to show you can adapt to other employment areas.

I'm seeing this with my friends who elected not to go to school - and there's nothing wrong with it! If you don't think you'd do well in college, there's nothing noble about forcing yourself to go, burning up your money and being miserable. I do think, though, that eventually you'll need to get some trade or educational experiecne to supplement that work experience.

In sum, higher education is necessary. Whether that higher ed is college, community college, trade school, technical school or what-have-you, is up to you. But a high school education rarely cuts it any more in the U.S.

I am sending my good thoughts your way. I hope you do find that well-paying, degree-related job! You're doing so well in your personal life, making fitness and health your job.

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MAIRESAURUS 12/20/2010 9:54AM

    I was the first in my family to go to college, so I had no role models about what to expect or what to do. If I could do it over, I would've gone to community college first, since no one cares where you spend four years, so long as you have a name on the top of the diploma. I would've seriously considered trade school. I don't necessarily regret going to school, but I do feel I was unprepared. Do I feel betrayed, in a way, because I have a practical degree from a well-known, large state university and yet I've not the job I hoped for? A little bit. I also understand that the economy is in the toilet because of the greed of college grads past. I'm lucky to be working at all.

That being said, I believe in the long run that those who went to college will do better than those who did not. Don't be fooled by friends who've had four years of retail, fast-food, or administrative experience and who are sporting nice clothes and cars now. In the short run, they are doing quite well for themselves but eventually they will hit a wall. That sort of work experience only gets you so far, to a management position (or regional or district management position). Then what? You only have experience in that field and it would take a fair amount of creative marketing to show you can adapt to other employment areas.

I'm seeing this with my friends who elected not to go to school - and there's nothing wrong with it! If you don't think you'd do well in college, there's nothing noble about forcing yourself to go, burning up your money and being miserable. I do think, though, that eventually you'll need to get some trade or educational experiecne to supplement that work experience.

In sum, higher education is necessary. Whether that higher ed is college, community college, trade school, technical school or what-have-you, is up to you. But a high school education rarely cuts it any more in the U.S.

I am sending my good thoughts your way. I hope you do find that well-paying, degree-related job! You're doing so well in your personal life, making fitness and health your job.

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MRSSIBRAT 12/20/2010 7:21AM

    Ooh lady I feel your pain....I have been there....all I can say is ...I hope that you can find a job that gives you what you need. Your employer is treating you very wrongly. I have also made the choice to end the relationship with my father....I could feel myself being more and more depressed the more I tried with him. Its always better to cut away the things in ourl ives that hurt us.
My thoughts are with you girl. I am here if you need anything

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-SHIMMER-ANN- 12/20/2010 6:54AM

    I have had financial problems, I grew up pretty poor too. I also put education first, but I disagree that it's overrated. I qualified for food stamps right after I graduated, and kept them through the first four months of my job in the military...which by the way, have you considered the military? Officers get paid pretty well.

As for getting fired for this blog, I don't think so at all. You didn't use names and you have valid complaints. Have you ever tried waitressing?? I thought it paid pretty well also, and I enjoyed it.

I'm sorry you're so frustrated, life is tough when money is tight :( Good luck!!

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BEACHTUDE 12/20/2010 5:39AM

    Hang in there. It will get better. I'm sendin' up prayers for your situation.

Bruce

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ELAOPET 12/20/2010 4:52AM

    I'm not from USA. I'm from Croatia, Europe. And yeah, broke to the bone here as well. Living with my dad. (oh, I'm single, childless and unemployed AND 39yo!) So, I'm way ahead of you in pitty party! But as you, I do my bestest to keep my head up above the water. It's hard at times, (especially this time of year when SPEND and BIG HAPPY FAMILY and BLESSINGS are supposed to all go together and make you feel like the biggest loser if you are not having or feeling those things!)
That is why your blog is an inspiration to me. You will make it in this world and don't be sorry you went to school. Some day it will WILL! WILL! pay off!
You're already doing the best you can, right? That's all you can do. Keep the faith!

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MONA791 12/20/2010 4:16AM

    Well...
It's sad what you wrote.
But....
you are not alone. I lost my job in February and I only work from this month. I also tried to find another job, any job, but they didn't want me (sometimes they said I'm too clever, occupied for that job, or I don't have enough experience, or they said simply nothing). In August my husband lost his job too. He studies at a university, we have to pay the fee for it, but we hardly can and no one will employ him because he goes to school two times in two weeks. That's why he gave up learning yesterday.
And now I have to work well and prove myself at my new place that they keep me after my probation expires.
My husband also can't find a job. He's at home and helps me, does the housework etc.
But....
We have to go on and fight. We have to be strong.
You have to go on and fight. You have to be strong.

Cheer up!!!
It would be better!! emoticon

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SHELLEYNALLS 12/20/2010 12:35AM

    I so feel you and your financial situation... All I can say is keep on keeping on! It will get better and you are rockin'!
Even if your employers saw this, you did not mention the store nor any names.. You are free to vent frustrations and did not break any confidentiality!!!
I got my Associate's last November and am working on my BA now.. I have been a stay at home mom for 7 years... We are a family of 4 and even when my husband was only making 10.00/hr, they told us we made too much money for food stamps... You learn to be creative :)
I have been submitting resumes like mad, to no avail...
Then, out of the blue, the office manager for the Y offered me a job, and I had never even applied there! I am just always there! LOL!!
Do not be discouraged, your financial change is coming! emoticon

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SHELLEYNALLS 12/20/2010 12:34AM

    I so feel you and your financial situation... All I can say is keep on keeping on! It will get better and you are rockin'!
Even if your employers saw this, you did not mention the store nor any names.. You are free to vent frustrations and did not break any confidentiality!!!
I got my Associate's last November and am working on my BA now.. I have been a stay at home mom for 7 years... We are a family of 4 and even when my husband was only making 10.00/hr, they told us we made too much money for food stamps... You learn to be creative :)
I have been submitting resumes like mad, to no avail...
Then, out of the blue, the office manager for the Y offered me a job, and I had never even applied there! I am just always there! LOL!!
Do not be discouraged, your financial change is coming! emoticon

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BELIEVER104 12/19/2010 10:46PM

    You WILL win! You are sending out such a strong and positive vibe into the world, and I just know it will come back to you tenfold. If you keep working toward your goals, you will achieve them. I've never had to deal with emotionally abusive parents, but I have experienced hard financial times (endless job searching post-college and unemployment a couple years ago). I felt like I was in a hole I'd never dig out of... but I think if you just keep moving forward, you will get to exactly where you belong. You are strong, motivated, intelligent and beautiful-- and you WILL win. I hope you're able to reapply and qualify for assistance, or get a new job in the very near future. You are in my thoughts emoticon



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JUNEAU2010 12/19/2010 10:09PM

    I salute your courage. I wish I knew you so I could help. I hate feeling powerless!

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BELLALUCIA 12/19/2010 9:57PM

    I'm on disability and I have a College degree. I get 449 a month and while I've been careless with the money in the past, I'm gonna start doing better because I know better!

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SARAHNICOLE__17 12/19/2010 9:48PM

    Find another job where the employer appreciates you. Someone obviously doesn't like you in the inside of where you are working now and that is evident on your shifts being cut and how more staff are still being hired. Take it for what it is and move on as quickly as you can. You obviously can't depend on that income as you aren't making ends meat. It sounds like you are really open to finding a new job. You should try my industry in hotels. From that you could use your communications background to do HR. Consider it!!! My heart feels for you and how much you are struggling. Keep your head up and be smart. I know that you can figure something out. You grew up with nothing so that will make you appreciate everything you have in life. My Dad was a product of the Canadian welfare system and he has a lot to show for himself today. You aren't a victim of your upbringing. Your upbringing will give you soooo much life experience to be successful. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! Please keep me posted!

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KATRINAKAT23 12/19/2010 9:22PM

  I so admire your spunk. You are a great motivator. Keep up the great work.

Kat

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TECAVINESS 12/19/2010 8:29PM

    I know how you feel. I lost my full time job 2 years ago as a manager. I got a cashier job in a dollar store getting paid less than half of what I used to make. I got some unemployment for a while but that stopped. Then I applied for food stamps. Only eligible for $30 per month. Trying to find a better paying job but there just aren't any out there. But at least I have a job. Things will get better for you. Hang in there. God will provide.

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UHYEAHABOUTTHAT 12/19/2010 8:23PM

    I've been there with the money situation...I still struggle with being there...I've started, stopped, re-started, stopped again, started and stopped college again...and even though no one thinks its "right" not to go to college, I think it is right for me. I struggle with school on an academic level, I don't need the financial pressures put on me, too. I'll probably never finish a degree, but I have experience on my side now. I earned the respect I've gotten now, and it's been a crappy ride. Yes, I've got a "lower end" higher paying job, but that's okay with me. I'll stay here till I'm 80 for all I care. I don't want the debt. I have plenty of it; I don't need more. It's funny - had I finished school, I'd be "too educated" for this job and I wouldn't be able to have it. I'd probably be jobless. Or I'd go back to working at the grocery store I worked at when I was a teenager. I know they'd hire me, though it would not be ideal. It wouldn't be beneath me though.
I remember back when I was younger, newly married (the first time) and just had my son...we tried to get food stamps and were also "too rich" for it, despite our financial obligations putting us in negative numbers each month. I was told to not work so much. wtf. Ridiculous.
Oh and I absolutely would not fire you for this blog. If I were your superior, I'd want to help. That's how I am. I like helping people succeed, regardless of what it is...I wouldn't want to be like, SEE YA! and send you on your way for showing a "negative" but not untrue point of view. You didn't say anything untrue about your employer. You have every reason to be upset with them because you depend on them for your salary. It's not fair what companies do to people. Some people deserve to have their shifts cut, but many do not. I don't believe you'd be someone who would deserve it. I have my SP private because I was also worried about if one day I said something not-so-stellar about my job and someone would see...
Good luck to you. I really understand what you're going through. I'm sorry your dad was such an a$$hole. Things will fall into place, someday. You have an amazing attitude, despite it all. Be proud of yourself. I'm proud of you, too. :)

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SPARKGIRL32 12/19/2010 8:02PM

    Girl, you're STRONG!!! You're doing this!!! I couldn't imagine doing as good of a job as you under the circumstances you are going through! Keep on truckin'!!

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SHERLYN-WILL 12/19/2010 7:54PM

    GIRL I ADMIRE YOU TO NO END! YOU have a great attitude! FOR ease I am going to copy and paste to answer your questions!

YOU said this:
Sparkers: Let me know what you think about my blog. Had you ever had financial problems? Have you ever been emotionally abused by a parent? What struggles do you have besides losing weight? What keeps you motivated to lose weight when other aspects of your life are in shambles? Do you agree with my views? Do you agree with my opinion that a college education is overrated in America? If you were a manager at my job, would you fire me for this blog? Why or why not?

1. We (dh and I) are having the worst financial problems we have ever had in 22 yrs of marriage! They have been ongoing for about 3 yrs and the last yr is the worst! ALL of our friends and family are having their worst times too... but not quite as bad as us... YOU made me really appreciate just now... how far I have come... I TOO HAVE LOST my weight THROUGH ALL OF THIS STRESS and girl.. me and you rock for that! ALL sparkers rock for losing weight thru stress! WE are stronger than we even realize, huh!
2. WHAT keeps me motivated is that losing weight and taking care of me and SEEING the rewards for losing are what keeps me going. I FEEL 200 percent better... I look allot better... I don't think about how fat I am 24 hrs a day anymore... I just "LIKE ME" better.

3.YES I agree college educations are over rated. My DH and I BOTH made more money than our college friends did. I guess it depends on what job you get or what field you are going in to...??
I was a Human Resources Asst. He was a manager of 60 guys at a plant.
WE both don't work their anymore... and have our own business... and are really struggling right now.

GEEZ this is turning into a BLOG! LOL

LAST...

NO I would not fire you in the least... for this.... I would totally understand your frusteration of not getting enough hours... and I would try to give you more hours... BUT I am probably biased! I am one of YOU... and not the retail company... LOL SO I REALLY FEEL FOR YOU!

HUGS

THANKS for sharing!


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-CHERYL 12/19/2010 7:43PM

    The money issues I get, we've always had them. Re-apply for food stamps with your lowered income you might get them. I was blessed with fantastic parents, it sounds like your mom is ok, your dad, don't waste another thought on. You sound like you have a plan to make a good life for yourself I hope your dreams will come true!

emoticon

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LINDA! 12/19/2010 7:32PM

    My heart breaks for you. You have done the right things and yet you don't see a bright future. I am happy that you have written your feelings down. Keep a journal and continue to write about this. For a father to belittle his sweet 11 year old daughter is unthinkable. You are wise to break your ties with him. I am sending positive thoughts for you. I sincerely hope that you have a wonderful 2011. Keep trying for food stamps and assistance.

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PURPLESPEDCOW 12/19/2010 7:14PM

    You sound like you are handling a very tough situation the best way you cna. Keep trying for food stamps with more current information about your job hours. I am not a manager, I am a teacher and we have been told to watch what we say on sites like this. I hope things work out for you.

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