Sunday, December 19, 2010
I have met my goal. I know l will add a few pounds during the Holidays, especially since Daddy's anniversary is smack dab between Christmas and New Year's. I feel better about myself - like I found a part of myself I was missing. This important to me cause of so much lost in the last two years when I had packed on that last 10 pounds - my job, a maternal uncle, my dad's confinement to a nursing home, 2 months later his death, a paternal uncle.
November 2010 hit hard. Two deaths within in a week on my dad's side. On Veteran's Day, we had lost the last of my dad's siblings. All 9 are gone now. The cousins are worried we will lose contact. My birthday came and went without my dad here, as did Thanksgiving. For a change, my brother took us to a buffet brunch. I ate 2 days worth of calories. Pulling out Christmas decorations was painfully sad. I keep thinking how I must ask Daddy how to fix this or that decoration.
Shopping yesterday at the mall, cause I wait til the last minute, was painful. I cried in Sears as I recalled my dad and I getting my car fixed there and he loved his Craftsman tools! Actually I cried on the way home, had to pullover in the Blue Hills to get a grip. Of course, for lunch I had consoled myself with Aunt Annie's Jalapeņo Pretzel (300+ calories).
I was only 3 lbs from my goal this last month but couldn't seem to stop reaching for comfort/junk food. What saved me from gaining back was measuring and tracking. No matter how much I strayed. I remained aware of what I was doing and limited what I did eat. Well, except for the Thanksgiving buffet, but even then I tried to fill up on the healthy foods first.
Now to the next step: Counting myself my blessings and taking advantage of that. I have a good part-time job and am fairly healthy. Once I have an MRI on the 27th I hope to find out what is causing the tingling and numbness in my legs. From there I may be able to figure out a better fitness program. That has been lacking in my efforts. Even walking yesterday at the mall, I had to stop several times to gain balance and relieve the discomfort. If I can get a handle on that, I know it will be easier to maintain the loss or at least mitigate the damage when I choose some of my guilty pleasures ;)